Essays in empathy

(Guest Post.  Posted by Rosemary Johnson on behalf of Stephen Poxon)

Empathy: 

The ability the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. 

My little old mum, all 4'11" of her, will, God-willing, be 90 in approximately two-and-a-half years' time. Throughout my fifty-eight-year experience of being her son, I have only known her to be unwell twice; once with flu in the 1970s, and again when we lost Dad suddenly, and shock and grief played havoc with her sodium levels. 

I mention this because, at this time of writing, I am convalescing from surgery. I'm fine (please don't feel obliged to send chocolates), but I have spent the last few weeks in some pain. It's no big deal, but it did lead to a conversation between Mum and I during which she remonstrated with herself for what she admitted was her failure to demonstrate empathy towards Dad when he was ill and, as it transpired, dying. 

Mum is stoic, and doesn't overdo empathy. For example, I broke my arm when I was a kid, but it wasn't until twelve hours later that Mum (somewhat reluctantly) took me to the doctor. I had spent those intervening hours with my snapped arm in a makeshift sling made from my Salvation Army Junior Soldier's tie. 

Mum deeply regretted not having shown her ailing husband more compassion. She explained that her lack of understanding of personal physical pain had led her to dismiss many of his concerns. Her inexperience as a patient caused her to be impatient with Dad. In what was quite a heart-to-heart, prompted by seeing me in pain, she berated what had been her attitude. Her regret was almost tangible. 

Such is life, and we all look back in similar ways from time to time. Curiously, though, I now find myself at pains (pun intended) to at least try to etch an appropriate degree of empathy into what I write; poetry, stories, Facebook posts, articles, sermons and letters. It occurs to me that for some reason it hasn't often featured in my scribblings, and although I can't specifically locate empathy in my Bible as a spiritual gift, I am inclined to think it's an underrated hallmark of discipleship and Christian maturity. St Paul encourages us to bear one another's burdens (Galatians 6:2), and we, as writers, have plenty of opportunities to do just that; not so much in what we write, perhaps, but in how we write it, with an empathetic flavour that might just help someone along their way. 

Furthermore, I am reminded that God wastes nothing, not even the unpleasant fact of pain. It is, let's be honest, an unwelcome tutor in the classroom of life, but if its fruit is empathy then that can only be a good thing for all concerned.