Fewer Books and Hairy Legs
Long car journeys in our household are often fraught with boredom and restlessness due to travel sickness. It must be in the family genes because even the slightest scan of a shopping list or glimpse of a phone screen results in us hanging our heads over the side of the open window, desperately sucking on a mint Tic-tac. However, as a result of this inability to do anything other than listen to the radio or talk, occasionally (when the children are not arguing) we can have some quite meaningful conversations. One such conversation, during a trip to Sheffield, happened a few days ago. It went something like this.
Son: Oh, I wish I could use my Nintendo Switch, I’m bored.
Me: You’ll only get sick but don’t worry, tomorrow will offer lots of opportunities.
Son: (Sigh) I want to play now.
Me: Wow! What would you do if we were Amish? Online gaming is strictly prohibited.
Son: Amish?
Me: Yes, they’re a group of people, dedicated to God, who live simply without all the mod cons we have today.
Son: What, no technology at all? Not even ipads or TV?
Me: That’s right. No Netflix or YouTube. They’re very careful not to get too tangled up with the outside world. They don’t even drive cars.
Son: No cars? Do they walk everywhere? That’s just stupid!
Me: They use horses and carriages. (I’m on a roll now, making my point) The men work out in the fields, the women look after the home and the garden and the children all help. (Wistfully) Sometimes, I think I would quite enjoy that; the children helping around the house.
Son (scornfully): You? Stuck in the house doing housework and gardening? I don’t think so!
Me: Who do you think does our housework and gardening?
Son (thoughtfully) Oh, I s’pose.
Me: There’s no materialism, no distractions. Everyone wears the same simple clothing, no expensive haircuts, no make-up, no jewellery.
Son: Really?
Me: The men grow long beards, no shaving, no worrying about your appearance at all. Just family, simple hard work, good food, and God. I think I’d love that way of life.
Son: (exasperated) You’d never do it, mum. No make-up? No going to the hairdressers? I bet you wouldn’t even be allowed to shave your legs!
Me: Oh. I didn’t think of that. Hairy legs could be a problem but I think I’d probably manage.
Son: (Suddenly triumphant) What about all your books? You wouldn’t be allowed to have so many, I bet!
Me: Hmm. I’m sure the Amish are allowed to read books.
Son: But not that many! You have loads.
Me: (starting to feel a little uncomfortable) Well, perhaps I wouldn’t be able to keep as many…I could read them… and… then pass them on.
Son: (becoming more and more confident as he unravels his argument) And don’t forget, there’s no internet so you wouldn’t be able to order them off Amazon and every time you want to buy a book you’d have to hitch up the horse and cart to go into town and anyway, town would probably be too far away and, if you’re just doing housework and gardening, and dad’s in the fields planting crops for us to eat, where will you get the money to pay for the books?
Me: Um.
Son: And the library would be no good because everything is done online and you’d need an electronic library card which you wouldn’t be able to use and…
I feel the argument has got a little skewed and I can’t quite catch up with my son’s rapid and passionate reasoning. He has an argument for everything, and I casually wonder if he will become a lawyer later in life. But, as my overloaded brain attempts to catch up with his quick-fire responses, I shake my head with reluctance. He does have a point. I mean, the book-buying could prove to be a problem, and, I must admit, the whole idea of hairy legs is rather uncomfortable.
No, upon further thought, fewer books and hairy legs do not sit well with me, at all.
The idea of simplicity is occasionally appealing but I don't think many of us could cope with no internet!
ReplyDeleteI think I totally agree!!
ReplyDeleteLove this ..I am the queen of hairy legs in the winter but you go without mylipstick and nice clothes and shoes ,well you know you've caught me in a bad day ...the son is definitely going g to go far in the fight fir human rights so long as he can use his computer or even animal rights .he should join the debating team at school ..ps I loved this
ReplyDeleteThank you! He certainly does like to make his voice heard!
DeleteI absolutely loved this, Nikki! What a great start to the day. My children frequently provide content for blogs and I see that your son is cut from the same cloth. He makes some excellent points! Thanks for giving me a good old chuckle.
ReplyDeleteAw, thanks, Ruth. I know, I do shamelessly use my children for inspiration! Hopefully, they won't sue me when they grow up!!!
DeleteSurely this is only fair after they kept us up all night and messed up our short term memory
DeleteA brilliant read! Thank you. I also chuckled. I love the idea of a simple life too and sometimes the urge to run away to a monastery is very real!! But I'd miss my online community far too much! I have a son like yours too - he's 26 now but still loves to hold court and win the argument.
ReplyDeleteI too have even considered the nunnery - in fact I was quite serious about it as a child for some months..x
DeleteThank you, Nikki. Youngsters nowadays! (But good to know they can think for themselves.)
ReplyDeleteI have to say the early teen years are quite an eye opener. I thought the toddler years would be the most challenging!!
DeleteRivetting! Grandchildren provide some interesting topics for us these days. I hope you know that children who like to have the last word, never change!!!
ReplyDeleteSo true - totally endorse your comment, Veronica! Though the grandsons aren't quite old enough to have the last word yet, (thought they chatter away and have huge vocabularies) the children certainly always have understood the necessity of having it!
DeleteSince my son could speak (he talked before he walked) he hasn't stopped!
DeleteI loved this, Nikki, especially when your son started switching the tables! What a wonderfully random conversation you started having too.
ReplyDeleteHave you seen the film, Witness? One of Harrison Ford's best, and a great soundtrack. Maybe watch it with your son when he's old enough.
Ps. My wife found your post hilarious, laughed out loud lots!
DeleteGoodness, that's an old film and one I haven't seen for years! I must dig it out! I love that this post was a laugh out loud one! X
DeleteEnjoyed this. Mother and son bonding. Blessings!
ReplyDeleteWe might have our disagreements but he is gorgeous! He still asks for cuddles! Xx
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