Where is my focus? by Tracy Williamson

As I sit at my computer my eyes are inevitably drawn to the picture just above my monitor of my beloved retired Hearing dog, Goldie.  He now lives with dear friends as I thought I would be having another Hearing dog, but my heart is still very much for my lovely boy.  In the picture he is gazing upwards - at me, except you can't see me!  His focus was always on me because I was the centre of his world and I am struck by how, in offering me his undivided love, his own beauty would be revealed.  

There's been some great posts on here recently about issues such as  our identity and how we measure success,  Thank you for all the illuminating thoughts that have been shared, they've been very helpful.  Now this picture of Goldie is drawing me to think of where I am putting my focus in my life.  

Probably, like many of us, I find myself feeling very small sometimes.  I read some of the posts on ACW FB group and love the sense of celebration with members book launches, publications, interviews, writers events and so on. And yet, even while loving them, I can so easily fall into the trap of thinking, I don't fit in; I'm not getting my book 'out there' like the others are.  I don't fit in, I'm not as successful as them.  I'll never make it as a writer.  

In allowing such thoughts to dominate my mind, my focus is on me and my feelings of not belonging.  And that robs me so much.  It makes me miserable about who I am.  It freezes up my brain and clothes my thoughts with deadness.  

But the picture of Goldie points me in the right direction.  God never, ever wants us to assess ourselves as compared to others, but rather in the light of His love for us.  I don't have to worry about whether I fit in, because God didn't make me to be a clone of someone else, but to be true to who He has made me to be.  If I were an egg, would it matter if I had a brown or white shell or was small or large?  No, because the treasure of the egg is within and is right and perfect for each egg.  As Paul taught us 'We have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all surpassing power is from God and not from us.' God has ordained that the 'treasure' of His love is revealed through me in all my frailty and through you in all yours.  Whether I am a large white duck egg, a tiny quail egg, or a white or brown hen's egg doesn't matter.  What matters is that I focus on Him because in doing that, the beauty that God has already woven into us will be enabled to shine out.  

Will I look to Him, gaze with faith and peace into His face and know He loves me?  Will I recognise that in His presence alone I can find the truest joy?  Will I open the door to my heart and let the treasure of all He has put within me to flow out to feed others?  Will I open my inner ears to hear His words of 'peace' and 'rest' and 'beloved.' ?

Brendon talked about the measure of our success.  I remember whenever Goldie would look at me so adoringly, I would feel such joy .  The greatest reward or success is surely the joy we bring our loving Heavenly Father when we fix our focus and love on Him above everything else?  And of course, as I do gaze at Him I can be sure that He gazes at me too.  In fact He never stops watching over me.  I am always the 'apple of His eye' just as you are too.  And that knowledge alone is enough to release me to be me and in being me, to write the things that He's uniquely gifted me to write, without worry or shame but with joy and love. 

Tracy Williamson is learning, after a lifetime of trying to fit in, to be the one God created her to be.  Tracy has just published her ninth book which is called  'Unashamed.' Tracy lives in a village in Kent sharing a home with her great friend and ministry partner Marilyn Baker and Marilyn's Guide dog Arlo.   Read more about Unashamed at www.unashamed.org.uk