One On A Scooter, by Ben Jeapes


In the interests of full disclosure – stop reading here if this offends you – I hate “While shepherds watched their flocks by night”.

It is such a dirge (at least, in its traditional tune; other, superior versions are available) and all it does is tell exactly the same story in common metre that you’ve just heard in the lessons.

On the other hand, I love “It came upon the midnight clear”, especially for its second verse: “Still through the cloven skies they come, with peaceful wings unfurled …” I picture a rift opening in the skies above Bethlehem and legion after legion of angels pouring through, floating their heavenly music o’er all the weary world, unstoppable and invincible in their determination to sing the praises of this amazing event unfolding below.

I would put those two at opposite ends of my carols spectrum, and I thought it was only fair to “While shepherds …” to work out why.

And the answer is: imagery. The former carol describes the event but does absolutely nothing to conjure up pictures in the mind. I would want to know about … the temperature of the night; the stony feel of the hillside; the tiredness of the shepherds, banished by awe and fear; the sparkling stars in the sky … All those things that could engage my imagination and help me feel what I ought to be feeling.

“Once in David’s Royal City” comes about midway on the spectrum: a by and large literal retelling of the story, but tapping into the natural feelings of a mother for her baby and contrasting that with who the baby was. “O Little Town …”: again, a good job of drawing our attention to the contrasts of appearances and what is actually happening, and thus making it memorable. “We Three Kings”: not very scriptural and responsible for perpetrating a perennial Christmas myth (there weren’t three of them and they weren’t kings) but I love the extrapolation of what each gift signified. “The Shepherd’s Pipe Carol”: it conflates the stories of the shepherds and the star, but who can’t love the picture of the innocent shepherd boy on his joyful way to play sweet lullabies to a new king? (Though in my more mischievous moods I wonder if the unnamed narrator is Herod, trying to find the new king’s location as the Magi unaccountably failed to report back … I’ll leave that thought.)

And more. I’m sure you can fill in your own. The point being – as you have probably worked out by now – that to make a carol, or any kind of writing, truly memorable you have to add to what is strictly known. You have to draw word pictures that engage the imagination and the heart and the emotions of the reader or singer.

And, if you’re writing a good song, for goodness sake, please give it a good tune. Did you know, you can sing “While shepherds watched …” to the tune of “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious”, which has the advantage of being a lot more fun and getting it out of the way much more quickly.

Ben Jeapes took up writing in the mistaken belief that it would be easier than a real job (it isn’t). Hence, as well as being the author of 5 novels and co-author of many more, he has also been a journal editor, book publisher, and technical writer. www.benjeapes.com

Comments

  1. Good post, Ben. On Ilkley Moor Bah T'at is a good tune for While shepherds watched.

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  2. Now I have the Mary Poppins tune as an earworm Ben! 😆 My pet carol hate is Away in a Manger - I think because of two things: the assumption that all children love it (I didn't); and the unrealistic, inhuman picture of a baby Jesus not crying when he was woken up. And now I think about it, also the tune - any modern alternative for that to partway redeem it?

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    1. I too loathed "Away in a manger", because the church children were required to stand at the front and sing it, and I was a) twice the height of all the others and b) the only one with choir training, so the only one singing loud enough to be heard. But then, 30 years later, I started getting involved in our christingle services and I have to admit I warmed to it, hearing it being sung - without compulsion, in a variety of keys and volumes - by a room full of happy children. But you're right, "no crying he makes" ... what rubbish! Google suggests various alternative tunes which I haven't checked out yet.

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    2. You can sing 'Away in a manger' to the tune of 'On top of spaghetti'. You're welcome.

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    3. I love that but I think I will now get them mixed up:
      "Away in a manger
      All covered in cheese"! 🤣🤣

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    4. The Little Lord Jesus gave out a great sneeze!

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  3. We had highly irreverent alternative words for While Shepherds as kids and yes, Susan – nothing like singing it to Ilkley Moor Bah T'at accompanied by brass band. Puts it in another league!

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  4. I have to agree! My own pet hate is "The First Noel" with its clunky words, awful tune and apparently endless verses. My favourite, hardly ever sung is "Oh Come, Oh Come, Emmanuel" closely followed by "I Saw Three Ships". Those shepherds washing their socks by night are stuck in my head now!

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    1. Agree with your opinion on all three of those, despite the latter's interesting notion that you can get to Bethlehem by ship. Like I say, imagery!

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    2. I suspect that carol was penned in the days before cartographers!

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  5. That Supercali .... version of While Shepherds really made me laugh! Much, much improved!

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    1. Oh what fun this post is! 'Away in a manger ' is pretty awful... some of 'Once inRoyal David's city' is hard to take... 'The First Nowell' was our past Vicar's fave of all, so we always had it, though for me it is more a memory of a 'staff children's party' at my Dad's work! I love 'O come all ye faithful', and yes, 'Oh come, oh come, Emmanuel' is lovely - preferably for Advent, all that anticipation, when you're a kid, is so exciting!

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  6. Ha. Great post. I totally agree re While Shepherds Watch. Re Away in a Manger, have you hear the American version? The tune is so much better! While I'm here can I be cheeky as give a little plug for Doorstep Carols at 6pm on the 16th, which I've organised in our town? Preferably with a local radio station blaring on your phone (and I'd love it if my neighbour's son would bring out his drum kit) You can find out more about it here https://www.doorstepcarols.co.uk/

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  7. For years, as a child I thought the word were: While Shepherds washed their socks by night all seated round the tub, the angel of the Lord came down and gave them all a scrub... Thanks to my dad!

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