Expectations

It is nearly the end of the year, and one of the things that come to mind is Expectations. Expectations for the year behind and ahead, for Christmas. Expectations for the day, for my writing.

It’s Monday as I write this, and I was expecting an early food delivery. I woke up, and the world was strangely quiet. I just knew it was that snowy quiet that I didn’t want that morning. My expectations for the day had been shattered before it was even light! (Thanks to the incredible delivery driver, we still got our shopping!)

Then there were our expectations for 2020. Ha. Need I say more? With all the craziness, some expectations disappeared right away, but I found out what a good thing that can be. My daughter has immense expectations for what a birthday should look like. Those expectations are never met, as they involve a carefully shaped script for every member of the family, covering every moment of the day. The only problem is, nobody has seen the script, so we all get our lines wrong, ruining her special day.

This year, there was no script, no expectations. For how could a birthday in Lockdown even remotely resemble a birthday? Presents are never included in the expected, but this year we couldn’t go out for our usual dinner, we couldn't have our fun family outing. Turned out, this birthday was the very best ever, with a homemade delicious breakfast, great fun family day together, and home-delivered delicious dinner…

It’s like writing, isn’t it? So many expectations, from others or from ourselves. As Christians, we often put expectations upon ourselves, defending them as being what God wants from us. But does He? What are His expectations of us? Actually, he has shown us what He requires of us: To do justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with our God (Micah6:8).

When I sit down, finally, to finish my novel, I see unfulfilled expectations. I expected it to be finished by now. I expected my editor to have my manuscript. Somehow, I have not lived up to my own expectations. Does that make me a failed writer? Not really, it just makes me a tired mum, dealing with my children’s trauma and complex Christmas expectations; it means I have a fantastic TBR pile that took up some hours of my week as well. It means I have wonderful friends that I talk to through the screen.

God’s blessings are way beyond our expectations though. He has things prepared for us that we can’t even imagine. Just like my daughter’s birthday. We gave her a day that she hadn’t even been able to think of. Our Lord is preparing a place for us, He is in control, He doesn’t need our expectations, wishes or good intentions. 

Yes, I do intend to finish the novel before 2021, and yes, I want to pick up fitness again. Actually, I should pick up fitness again is more accurate. And I should walk humbly with my God (which is quite hard, as this first month of my novel coming out I sold more than 20 copies! More than 20 people were prepared to buy my story! To some of you, that might sound pathetic but to me, that’s really humbling!)

So what are your expectations for the year ahead? Apart from bringing out that bestseller…?

 

I live in the beautiful Cotswolds, England with my husband and four (adopted) children. My debut novel, Sapphire Beach, was published December 2019, and my first self published novel, Walled City came out on December 5th 2020, as my own St Nicholas present to the world! You can buy your very own, signed copy at www.vicarioushome.com.

I’m a homeschool mum, so my writing has to be done in the evening, when peace and quiet descends on our house once more. I’m Dutch, English isn’t my first language, so I’m using that as an excuse for any typos or grammatical mistakes.