One On A Scooter, by Ben Jeapes

In the interests of full disclosure – stop reading here if this offends you – I hate “While shepherds watched their flocks by night”.

It is such a dirge (at least, in its traditional tune; other, superior versions are available) and all it does is tell exactly the same story in common metre that you’ve just heard in the lessons.

On the other hand, I love “It came upon the midnight clear”, especially for its second verse: “Still through the cloven skies they come, with peaceful wings unfurled …” I picture a rift opening in the skies above Bethlehem and legion after legion of angels pouring through, floating their heavenly music o’er all the weary world, unstoppable and invincible in their determination to sing the praises of this amazing event unfolding below.

I would put those two at opposite ends of my carols spectrum, and I thought it was only fair to “While shepherds …” to work out why.

And the answer is: imagery. The former carol describes the event but does absolutely nothing to conjure up pictures in the mind. I would want to know about … the temperature of the night; the stony feel of the hillside; the tiredness of the shepherds, banished by awe and fear; the sparkling stars in the sky … All those things that could engage my imagination and help me feel what I ought to be feeling.

“Once in David’s Royal City” comes about midway on the spectrum: a by and large literal retelling of the story, but tapping into the natural feelings of a mother for her baby and contrasting that with who the baby was. “O Little Town …”: again, a good job of drawing our attention to the contrasts of appearances and what is actually happening, and thus making it memorable. “We Three Kings”: not very scriptural and responsible for perpetrating a perennial Christmas myth (there weren’t three of them and they weren’t kings) but I love the extrapolation of what each gift signified. “The Shepherd’s Pipe Carol”: it conflates the stories of the shepherds and the star, but who can’t love the picture of the innocent shepherd boy on his joyful way to play sweet lullabies to a new king? (Though in my more mischievous moods I wonder if the unnamed narrator is Herod, trying to find the new king’s location as the Magi unaccountably failed to report back … I’ll leave that thought.)

And more. I’m sure you can fill in your own. The point being – as you have probably worked out by now – that to make a carol, or any kind of writing, truly memorable you have to add to what is strictly known. You have to draw word pictures that engage the imagination and the heart and the emotions of the reader or singer.

And, if you’re writing a good song, for goodness sake, please give it a good tune. Did you know, you can sing “While shepherds watched …” to the tune of “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious”, which has the advantage of being a lot more fun and getting it out of the way much more quickly.

Ben Jeapes took up writing in the mistaken belief that it would be easier than a real job (it isn’t). Hence, as well as being the author of 5 novels and co-author of many more, he has also been a journal editor, book publisher, and technical writer. www.benjeapes.com