Imposter syndrome

 I came away from my first Scargill ACW residential with a bad case of imposter syndrome, although I didn't have a name for it then. So many published authors and folks who seemed to know everyone and everybody.

Was I a writer or not? I had been anxious to decide. Not, I concluded. But some perverse streak made me fire a sample of writing at the ACW Lent book competition. Result! I was invited to contribute. Joining the ACW led to finding you all. What a supportive bunch! So much help and encouragement. Now, it's not so much whether I can write after a fashion, more about 'how', 'why' and 'what'.

In February I blogged about how mojo had deserted me in lockdown. Three of you have helped recently, for which many thanks. The first was Livi (Karen Rosario Ingerslev) on the ACW selfpublishing zoom with a quote that impacted her at a crucial point:

'You are not a writer because those who have the power to publish you choose to publish your words. You are a writer because those who have ears to hear are touched by your words.'

Wow! I had assumed the only respectable way to get my message out there was via the traditional publishing route. Not so. Livi felt clear direction not to follow that path and has published prolifically and successfully since.

That was 'how', now for 'why'. Edmund Weiner nailed it for me in the final paragraph of his 24 March more than writers blog entitled Around the Corner:

'This scenario which our faith puts before us is a tremendous scenario. It's one that we would love others to know. It has a terrific appeal. How can we introduce an unbelieving society to it? Can we find ways to encapsulate it, even incarnate, in what we write, so that its beguiling beauty speaks to our readers from behind a veil, so to speak? That could be a challenge for 2021.'

Of course! So obvious, only I'd never framed it quite like that.

Then David Grieve, on the poetry zoom, provided the 'why' of sharing our thoughts via the written word.
He suggested that our poetry (and all writing) '.....is commissioned and activated by God; Father, Son and Spirit. It is a gift and a calling. It's vocation ..... not merely an ability or skill .....but for the glorifying of God.'

David also said of poetry (and prose) that it '.... isn't complete until it's out there: heard or read by at least one other person; then it's a made thing, and even then the making continues, sparking ideas and thoughts and reactions that you hadn't even thought of.'

So easy to get caught up with the vehicle rather than the cargo. And there is not a spectrum of value between your cargo and that of others. We all have different gifts and experiences. Be responsible for yours. They are unique and yours alone to share.

Eileen Padmore retired some time ago from health care and academia with a vow to indulge in writing more creatively and less academically. Her background in Africa, Eire, Northern Ireland (in the troubles) as well as inner city Birmingham and Leeds provides plenty of copy. She has had articles published by Woman Alive, Christian Writer and contributed to the popular ACW Lent book.

Eileen operates a dynamic prayer shawl ministry under the name of Tabitha. You can read all about it here