The Shrinkage of Comparison - by Liz Carter

I'm not famed in my home for being brilliant about remembering to keep certain items of clothing out of the tumble drier. I have been responsible for multiple shrinkages over the years of anything from woolly jumpers to my husband's specialist sports socks (to me, socks just belong in the dryer, right? Not these ones, apparently.) Placing these clothes where they should not be caused them to shrink and become unpurposed for what they were made for, and sit at the back of a drawer for years gathering dust.

I think there is a shrinkage we can apply to our lives as writers, too, and while I wouldn't go so far as to say that it leaves us useless in a drawer, it can leave us frozen in place, unable to share the gift we have been given or be who we are created to be. This tumble dryer of the writing journey is comparison. When we shove our writing into the comparison machine (forgive me for this rather stretched analogy) it can spew out shrunk and hopeless, in our own assessment of it, and may mean the writing itself gets shoved in the proverbial drawer.

I was drawn to this thought the other day when chatting to Dawn James (writer of the wonderful Song of the Overworld). I was talking about how lockdown has given me more opportunities to indulge in my destructive hobby of comparing myself to others, and Dawn reminded me that comparison isn't only destructive but also shrinks us, in our own view and then has consequences in our behaviour. If we are shrunk, we are less likely to get out there writing, blogging, sending newsletters, proposing and all the other things we do as writers. We may become stuck in our caves of despondency: everyone else does it so much better, so why bother trying?

I fall into this trap far too often. I am not good at looking at my own work without that old enemy of comparison, which thieves my joy too many times. There's a narrative in me I can pin down and yet cannot seem to quite throw off, although sometimes I succeed in this more than other times. It's to do with confidence and to do with a reluctance to believe in ourselves and in our writing, perhaps stemming from things said to us through our lives.

So how do we defeat the temptation to give in to the shrinkage of comparison?

1. You are who you are.
You can only write what you only can write. No one else writes quite like you and you do not have to write like anyone else. Life would be very boring if there were no diversity and books very beige if voices were too similar. Celebrate that you bring something to the table no one else does, and be confident in your own voice without endlessly comparing it to others.

2. God calls you to use your own words, not to replicate others.
When I am deep in shrinkage, I forget that God has created me with my own style and my own way of expressing myself, my own passions and my own autonomy in how I decide to write. Just because God has created that author over there with a more compelling voice than mine does not denigrate my own; God longs that I use what I am given (that's the parable of the talents right there...)

3. Celebrate the small things.
When we compare, we often choose to compare to those with great big voices and audiences, and when we don't measure up we get shrunk down too quickly. We forget to see good things in the small things, to be grateful for one person touched by a poem we write or a child's imagination fired by our story. We're too busy thinking that unless we are JRR Tolkien we are not good enough, and frankly, Mr Frodo, it's you that has to do this, not that great famed hobbit author of note over there. They can take care of themselves.

4. Audience of One.
I know I've talked about this before, but it's been so crucial to me in my own life and battle in this area. Reminding ourselves that there's only one opinion that really matters can be liberating. Who are we writing for, ultimately? Who do we want to please most of all? There is one always cheering us on, always challenging us to go for more and better within who we are. Comparison can not only shrink our view of our own selves and our own writing, but also shrink our trust in God.

5. Comparison for growth.
Not all comparison is bad, not if it's explored within the context of actively choosing to compare for growth - for example, at a writer's group or event, or in the act of intentionally reading to gain tips and improve our writing styles. This is positive comparison and instead of shrinking tends to lead to our own work becoming more rounded and nuanced. The trick is not to allow this kind of intentional comparison to then lead into the other sort - the kind that shrinks us.

6. It's not all about you.
One of the most powerful ways to block out the shrinkage of comparison from our lives is to celebrate the achievements of others with glad hearts and sincere minds. In cheering on our fellow authors we are choosing to delight in the good words and work of others and in so doing we do not allow it to become about us and how we are not as good or have not achieved as highly. We simply wish to encourage and to applaud without agenda, and in so doing liberate ourselves from the bonds of incessant and destructive comparison. Let's delight in one another's words, learn from them by all means, and in the act of making ourselves second enter into the freedom of humility.

I'd love to get your thoughts and ideas on countering the shrinkage of comparison, too.


A Prayer for Comparers

Father of love,
We thank you that we belong to you
That you have created us and created our voices
That you cheer us on and lavish praise on us.
May we find our affirmation in you alone
Our encouragement in your delight in us
Our challenge in your holiness
and our motivation in your glorious gospel.
Teach us to put ourselves aside and others first
Teach us to celebrate the day of small things
Lead us on to rejoice in your calling on our lives.
May those of us who have been shrunk over years
Find liberation in who you are and who we are in you
And dance into the freedom of a deeper life in you.

Amen.


Liz Carter is an author and blogger from Shropshire who writes about the hurting times in our lives. Her first book, Catching Contentment, explores finding peace when we lack. Her new book, Treasure in Dark Places, an anthology of stories and poems of hope in the hurting, will be published in October.