True Stories, by Deborah Jenkins

I'm writing this post having been inspired by Ruth Leigh's wonderful piece about authenticity which you can find here and as a kind of sequel to a post I wrote a while ago about real writers' habits - here.

I am fascinated by the often annoying gap between the things we tell ourselves and the things that are true. I don't think this is unique to writers, just unique to people. As opposed to cats, for example, who tell themselves they're tired when they're tired and instantly fall asleep, usually on a person's bed just as they're about to make it (see below).

I don't know about you but when I'm tired, I do the next three things on my list before I decide to rest. This means I generally do them badly (always), swear in my head (sometimes) or have a tantrum (occasionally). Why can't we be more like cats?

I'm wondering whether it's possible that, as we are born storytellers, we might be even better at telling ourselves 'other versions of the truth' than most? So I've decided to debunk some of the writing myths I tell myself, along with the reality. They might be true for you too.

1. Story: I love writing
Debunked version: Sometimes I hate writing
Reality: Writing like any job, has its ups and downs. There are pressures and pains, high days and holy days. When I get a commission, as a Christian writer, I see that as a holy day, a punch-the-air THANK YOU GOD! kind of day. But many, sometimes most, days are just hard, unrewarding graft, or a rejection when others seem to be getting success after success. When the inspiration flows, my fingers fly across the keyboard, and I feel twelve again - thin, light and full of hope. Other times, not so much.

2. Story: My family love my writing and are hugely supportive
Debunked: Not everyone in my family has even read my book
Reality: My family are very supportive but they don't come to school with me when I teach and I don't really know what all their jobs are like either. Why should I expect them all to read my book? Also, the truth is, my obsession with writing can sometimes get in the way of my relationships. My glassy eyed reach for a notebook, mid-chat, my tendency to disappear randomly for hours at a time, the checking of blog stats - these probably annoy them.

3. Story: I am a confident writer with a clear plan
Debunked: I have no idea where I'm going
Reality: Just like life, I have plans for my writing which sometimes work out and sometimes don't. I've got stuck at lights, hit bollards, been up one way streets. But when I pay attention, I can work out which way to go because it's kind of obvious. It's just that sometimes I tell myself so many stories that I can't figure out what's true and what isn't. (E.g.I nearly said Yes five minutes ago to a supply day tomorrow. But I'm not that well and tomorrow is a writing day. I wanted to say Yes because I like to be needed. I said No. Are you proud of me?)

4. Story: I write from 9 - 12 every morning 4 days a week
Debunked: I write from 9 - 12 every morning 4 days a week after a fashion (but I always write 1000 words a day)
Reality: I write some mornings for an hour at a time but more often I message Fran to ask what she's cooking tonight, drink coffee, watch out for the postman, see if my daughter's on-line, message Fran again, drink more coffee, do a stock take on my secret chocolate supply (second shelf down at the back), eat said chocolate, drink more coffee, go fast walking while I'm high on caffeine. I don't worry about the cleaning or washing any more. I mean, obviously I do them, but not as often as when the kids were at home. Sometimes I forget about them for weeks at a time (see above, 2b). We have a lot of underwear.

5. Story: I write for others
Debunked: I write for myself
Reality: I write more for myself than for others. The truth is, if I didn't write I would actually go mad. I'm sure I benefit from my writing far more than others do. Sometimes I get some nice comments about my personal blog or my book and this lifts me for days because I never expect to get any. I love to think my writing makes a difference to others and, in truth, this is partly why I write. But writing, for me, is like self-medicating in a way. If I am low or tired or disillusioned with humankind (this is not my way, generally), it will suddenly occur to me: I haven't written for ages.

When my husband got home from church today, I was making chicken pie. I hadn't gone because I'm not well. He breezed in, with post-sermon joy and said, 'When's lunch? I was hoping to sweep leaves off the front lawn before the rain comes.' For some reason, this made me absurdly happy. It was so delightfully mundane and comforting. In a world where we are worried about our kids and our parents and the government and Brexit and the environment and knife crime and writers' block and God knows what else, there is still this - he sweeping leaves in his red coat, then coming in all rosy and proud like an over-sized robin, and us eating chicken pie together. It is a story, a true story and a gift from God, the best kind of story of all.

Click on the link to see the novella on amazon
Deborah Jenkins is a primary school teacher and freelance writer who has written articles, text books, devotional notes and short stories. She writes regularly for the tes. She has also completed a novella, The Evenness of Things, available as an Amazon e-book and is currently working on a full length novel. Deborah loves hats, trees and small children. After years overseas with her family, who are now grown up, she lives in Sussex with her husband, a Baptist minister, and a cat called Oliver.