Why writing keeps us humble - by Fran Hill

'We like the article you've written, Fran -'

'Oh, good!'

'We like it a lot -'

'I thought you would. I'm not going to lie - I'm quite proud of it myself. I do believe it's one of my best.'

'In fact, we like it so much -'

'- you'd like to enter it for an award? How much is the prize money? A cruise? Yes, I could do a six month cruise. Just need to organise for someone to water the -'

'- so much that we want to get the best out of your material, which means restructuring it completely.'

' - plants and perhaps someone to check on the post and - hang on - did you say - restructure it completely?'

'Yes. Are you happy to tweak it for us? I've made some suggestions below.'

Tweak? You mean, in the same way Pompeii was 'tweaked'? 'Yes, yes, that won't take me long.'

'Good, as long as you're happy.'

'No, I'm not happy. Not happy at all. Right now, I am in so much despair and shame, I may run in front of a bus 'Yes, of course. I'm very happy. In fact, had you said 'We'll take it as it is', I would have stopped you RIGHT there and offered to restructure it exactly as you've suggested.'

'We'll look forward to receiving it, then, Fran. Is next week okay?'

Next week? Next week? Look, I'm a Christian, and I try to keep up with my daily Bible readings, and go to prayer meetings, but I'm not actually able to stop time 'No problemo. Ha ha! Won't take long to do those teeny readjustments.'

[One week later.]

Dear Editor. That was the worst week of my life. I haven't slept and have only eaten crisps. I have ignored friends, family, anyone who knocked at the door, and my bladder. If you ask me to do anything else to this article, which is now in its 49th permutation, I will go to bed for ever and ever and not come out again  'Dear Editor. I've tweaked this as you suggested. I hope you like it. Do let me know if you think it needs any more adjustment. Best regards! Fran.'

The week's meals for a writer re-writer

Fran Hill is a writer and English teacher living in Warwickshire. You can find out all about her and her book 'Being Miss' which is about one rollercoaster day in a teacher's life via her website