Letting Go - by SC Skillman
Recently, I've been thinking a lot about 'letting go'. We are often told, as creatives, never to 'give up' and that is so true. But nevertheless, there is a subtle distinction between 'giving up' and gracefully 'letting go'. This applies to so many areas of human life and can be especially poignant when you are a writer and have pursued what you believe to be your 'dream' for many years, but still see it dancing before you, quixotic, ephemeral and elusive, but always just out of reach.
For me, the theme of 'letting go' has a new and very personal meaning. I've just returned from a two- month trip to Australia to visit my daughter Abigail who now lives and works there. She travelled out to stay with my sister and brother-in-law in Brisbane in January 2019 - very fortuitous timing as she (unknowingly) was to avoid all the agony of the pandemic, lockdowns and Brexit in Europe and the UK, and instead forged ahead in Queensland, gaining a Master's in Screen Production, and starting to work for the ABC. She has a new life, and has achieved wonderful things, met fascinating people, and moved ahead in a way I could scarcely have believed possible in these three and a half years. She is happy, confident and fulfilled, so different from the once vulnerable, timid, insecure little girl whom I always felt I had to protect.
Not long ago I reviewed a lovely reflective book of poems and flash fiction by a fellow author who is also well experienced in travelling through and living in different cultures and then moving on: and one of her poems is about her own feelings as her daughter too has flown the nest to a faraway country. She imagines her journey of reflection as a conversation with Atropos, who is one of the three Fates in Ancient Greek mythology, guardian of fate and destiny: "It is her path to take... this decision will enrich her life... she will do magnificent things, but you must let her go, so in time she can return."
I confess it felt very strange as I left Brisbane this time, knowing I had left Abigail to her other life, and that this may after all be the best life for her. Three Christian friends said this to me:
"You have relinquished her with love, Sheila, and your gift has allowed Abigail to blossom wonderfully so, whatever the future holds for her, you have made it possible."
"Our fledglings can't flourish until they fly the nest."
"Your generosity means Abigail is free to fly and find her place to flourish in the world."
Life is full of letting go and moving on, and this applies to our writing journey as well. Perhaps we cherish long-held hopes and dreams that ultimately need to be re-aligned to God's will for our lives. What do you think? What is your experience, when all that you hoped for seems very far from being fulfilled? I wrote about this in my chapter 'Pursuing Your Creative Passion' in my book 'Perilous Path'. This chapter also forms the free e-book I send out to new email subscribers. In it I do take a very high, spiritual view, based upon an inspiring book I read by Margaret Silf, 'Sacred Spaces'. I end with God's Rainbow, and the word, 'Yes.'
But what do you think? Are there times when our optimism may be blind, or misplaced? Thoughts of 'letting go' cannot be separated from the creative journey. Do share in the comments about your own feelings on the tension between the ideas of 'giving up' and 'letting go' as a creative person.
SC Skillman writes paranormal, psychological mystery fiction, and highly illustrated non-fiction about Warwickshire history. Her two Warwickshire books are published by Amberley, and 'A-Z of Warwick' will be released in 2023. She is now researching a fourth book for Amberley and her latest novel is being considered by publishers, while she works on the sequel. Meanwhile she blogs weekly at scskillman.com and also sends out a monthly newsletter to subscribers. Find out more on her website.
Beautifully put, Sheila. I agree, there is often a time when letting go is the best option and is what God wants us to do.
ReplyDeleteThank you Wendy. And hopefully we are sufficiently in tune with God's will to know the difference between gracefully letting go and 'giving up' (in terms of our literary lives that is!)
DeleteVery good thoughts on 'letting go' of our children! Ours have a very independent streak, and we settled to letting them find their own paths - but I know a lot of parents who have been very disappointed by hanging onto their own dreams for their children...and there are adults who change careers have struggled to become, for example, a barrister (our niece obediently took the law conversion path, duly got through her Bar exams, and then said, Okay, I am going back to my love of languages and independence, and set up as a translator - Greek and Turkish! I've never really been ambitious to 'be a writer' but have things I want to say, through fiction. But, I do not feel that there has to be another book when this one is completed. Is that the same thing as letting go?
ReplyDeleteThank you for your thoughts, Clare. Yes it is true that people can change life paths very easily. I am talking about a long-held dream that may have to be let go of. For you, I think 'letting go' depends upon how long you have cherished the vision of writing a series of books which say what you want to say, and are now deciding to let go of that idea.
DeleteI do relate to this, Sheila, with my own daughter in Tokyo - she describes Japan as her 'adopted home' which I think makes it clear that she may not return! I do like your distinction between 'giving up' and 'letting something go'. That's very wise and true, and I find it very relevant to my life at the moment. Thanks for the post!
ReplyDeleteThank you Fran; yes, I did think of you and your daughter in Japan, as I wrote my post. Thank goodness for video calls! That is really one aspect of the modern world we can be very grateful for, when I think of the days of expensive long distance phone calls and snail mail letters. Much further back in time, it was even worse. I cannot help thinking of Sheila Johnson's novel 'Waireka' under the pen name Sheila Donald, in which she described life for those early British settlers who travelled out from England to New Zealand on a dangerous sea journey, and then they could not expect to hear from their relatives more frequently than every few months.
DeleteMy daughter has also just moved to Tokyo, Fran! Only 3 weeks ago. She has just started her new job this week. Sheila, your post is timely, beautiful, and helpful. Thank you.
DeleteI am so glad it helped you Sarah.
DeleteI loved what you wrote about letting out children go. I find it so hard to do, especially with my youngest who has just turned 21. Also, the following sentence really spoke to me "Perhaps we cherish long-held hopes and dreams that ultimately need to be re-aligned to God's will for our lives." Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad my post spoke to you, Vicki. I hope thinking around these things has been helpful for you, together with the comments above, and also the comments about this post on the Facebook Group.
DeleteLovely post Sheila! My culture enables one to encourage our fledglings to leave the nest as soon as they can as a mark of achievement. I have 2 fledglings whom I pray their time to leave the nest comes soonest. As for letting go of some writer dreams, I have let go of the dream and hope to ever get traditionally published. That can only happen by a miracle and by God's grace and by realignment as you say. Blessings.
ReplyDeleteThank you Sophia for sharing your thoughts and experiences. You are honest and brave to say you have let go of the dream of being traditionally published. I believe there is such grace in that act of 'letting go' that it may ultimately lead to a miracle - our humility may provide the space for God to open new doors.
ReplyDeleteGreat photo…captures letting go really well. And thank you for your post, such a vital and tough part of life. A year or so ago I ended up laughing at John 15. It struck me that one way or another the Father comes to us at times with a sharp knife in His hand either to prune or worse. All for our benefit of course but tad painful at the time.
ReplyDeleteThank you Sheila for this wise and lovely post. I think letting go is a real art which is incredibly hard to do but gives hidden blessings every time. Occasionally those even involve being given back what we let go of. Whatever happens, God's extraordinary grace is there every time.
ReplyDeleteThis is Deborah Jenkins by the way!
DeleteThis is Deborah by the way!
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