Horcruxes and Magic Talismans: the environments we live in, and what they say about us - by SC Skillman

For long periods in the past two years, many of us have been confined to our homes. Recently, I have been thinking about what psychological effect that has had upon us. Because of the Covid pandemic  we have been living with the knowledge that we can invite few people into our homes. This must have been particularly painful for those who love giving hospitality. As we moved towards the final months of 2021 we hoped life would become freer for us, and now a new fear has emerged: a new variant. Some of us are more risk-averse than others, and have been cancelling social plans: but many may feel their top priority is to live their lives. As Fiona Lloyd says in the latest edition of Christian Writer magazine, 'God created us for relationship.'



Not long ago I visited a friend who is more reliant than ever on the good will and friendship and loyalty of others, coming into her house to visit her and care for her, since her poor health has totally changed her life and confined her to her home.

I read this in a blogWhat is on my heart is that I want my home to be a warm and cozy home where people feel loved and feel comfortable, a place of fun and a place that brings glory to my Lord.  I want to be wise in it and it is in keeping with my Father’s Word that says “a wise woman builds her home.”  

This led me on to think about how much our living environments can express our internal selves. Some have great difficulty in letting go of things: others love de-cluttering, while a select group espouse the principles of 'minimalism.' I greatly admire this group. For many, though, I believe our possessions have a strong emotional hold over us, and even act as 'horcruxes' (that wonderful concept created by JK Rowling: a horcrux is an object that conceals a fragment of an individual's soul). We keep them with us, almost as if they were magic talismans. I admit I am like that about some of my old books. No matter how tatty, I keep them on my top shelf: books I loved as a child, the books I discovered and devoured at university. there they sit, scruffy and yellowing, and I have never made the decision to let them go.

Some of us care about our environments because the opinions of others matter to us. How many of us can say we are free from the opinions of others? If you do receive visitors, do you ever find yourself apologising for the appearance of your home or for the state you live in? I remember going on a mission once, door to door with another church member when I lived in London, and one gentleman we visited kept saying, "You will have to forgive me... you will have to forgive me..."  It was all about the state of his home, and how he thought we would judge him.

What stage do we have to reach before all unnecessary concerns fall away, and we focus on what truly matters? Can that be when we are not long for this world, and know it in our hearts? Letting go of others' opinions about us, and our living environments, will be strangely liberating: for then we will be beyond the judgements of the world. 

Perhaps our homes should be a restful refuge from the world. But people have different ideas of what constitutes a refuge. For some, the refuge may be an art gallery around them, with candles, lights, scents and sculptures, or with a treasury of framed original artwork. This is what they make of the world. This is their retreat from it: an ordered, tasteful, designed, creative environment: everything the world isn’t. For others the refuge is a cave or labyrinth in which the walls are piles of objects: items, papers, books, bags, baskets, glasses, tissues, boxes and equipment all around us. It may be a bit like a Tracy Emin installation or an art construction at a psychotherapy retreat or a junk sculpture at the Eden Project.

It is as if we all live in changing rooms, with sliding doors, moving hallways and corridors, houses of distorting mirrors and illusions. Are we defined by our possessions? I think the objects that surround us are like living parables, in the middle of which we dwell. They may demonstrate or reflect the things that live inside us. For some it may be that the extra level of anarchy we introduce to our household is strangely calming and reduces our anxiety.

If I go into a cluttered house, I can feel strangely reassured. Here is someone more disorganised than me, more chaotic, and yet persisting in the world and surviving.  I can relax. What other people expect doesn’t matter. All expectations melt, fade away, become as nothing. I'm in the presence of somebody who values none of these things. Perhaps that is the true reason why so many of us love to have a dog or a cat in our homes with us! 

So what do you think? What do you surround yourself with? Will visitors feel perfectly relaxed and will you be happy for them to find you just the way you are? 


SC Skillman is the author of Mystical Circles, A Passionate Spirit, Perilous Path and Paranormal Warwickshire. Her next book, Illustrated Tales of Warwickshire, will be released by Amberley Publishing in April 2022. She is currently writing the second book in a new fiction series.

Comments

  1. "It is as if we all live in changing rooms, with sliding doors, moving hallways and corridors, houses of distorting mirrors and illusions." I love this, Sheila!! And I recognise myself in this blog. Certainly not minimalist. Perhaps curated homeliness. Or however you describe a house where there is always dust, too many books (I know, I know, impossible), stuff where it shouldn't be, piles of clothes waiting to be put away but a warm and welcoming atmosphere (I hope). I love the idea of all of those concerns about the state of our homes falling away - one day maybe! I still apologise every time someone comes round.

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  2. Thank you for your comment Ruth. Yes, I admire an immaculate home but it makes me feel slightly anxious: and I admit I wonder what is going on in the heart and mind of the person to whom control and perfection means so much. A shambolic and welcoming home is much better, somewhere to relax.

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    1. Wholeheartedly agree and I can almost completely promise you that my home will always be shambolic while I'm living in it!!

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  3. We will be having a really quiet 'real' Christmas, celebrating with our children and their partners 'mini' Christmas before they all head off overseas. I was dreading the quiet, but in the hectic run-up to Christmas with jobs (not events) to do, I'm beginning to think it maybe nice to have 'chill-out' time just for the two of us!

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    1. We will be having a quiet Christmas too, although we will have a family Christmas Zoom with a fun quiz on 12 December. Otherwise, all the plans I am making for meeting people 'in real life' are for 1 January onwards!

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  4. You will feel very relaxed when you come to my home. It is not too tidy to discomfort anyone but it's organized. You would think you were in a photo museum. I think a home should be a haven of peace, warmth and things one loves to have around them. A home, not just a house. A home that makes one forget about the world outside . Beautiful post. Thanks for the opportunity to reflect about home!

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    1. Your home sounds lovely, Sophia, a reflection of your own character. We too have lots of photos around so I can identify with your words about the photo gallery!

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  5. I live in the creative compromise between a naturally untidy person who enjoys the occasional blitz (me) and someone who cannot relax before the clothes are put away, dishwasher done etc (the hubster).
    But I love to make things cosy and welcoming with home cooked food and handmade soft furnishings all colour coordinated (the decor not the dinner!).
    But in the end, it has to be our attitude that makes a home welcoming to others, isn't it?
    I love your idea of our surrounding objects being parables though - time to think about what ours tell me. Thank you

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  6. Thank you Liz - your words 'creative compromise' sound wonderful - they sum up a warm, living, relaxed but lively home.

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  7. The good thing is when people like having and being in their home, enjoy welcoming and interacting with friends. . where we live, because it's a University city, people have a very long break from their workplace over the summer: come late July, the place is emptied out, the traffic (one good thing!) is much lessened - but everyone is 'away'! Piles of tourists fill the city centre, but if your children want a friend to play, there is literally no-one...A very old tradition, my husband grew up here, and my mother in law had the problem way back in the 1950s-60s just the same as I had in the 80s-90s. "Away" was on trend: being in your home and garden was peculiar! Church holiday clubs had to run in the very last week of the holidays or nobody would be around to run it, to help, or to attend. What I'm contributing as a response is this: how sad that so many people are so obsessed with needing to be away from their homes... whatever it's like, tidy or untidy, one feels they don't find home interesting or welcoming, even for themselves! As for ours, lots of stuff but not too much of a muddle, I like things to be clean even if they are old, people seem to find it welcoming... Our sons are into minimalist, but they are are always good to visit.

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    1. Yes I believe it is a lovely thing to welcome people into your home. Sadly during the pandemic many have been prevented from doing that. Also becausd of covid I would think less people are able to spend so much time 'away'. I love it when my writing group ir my church small group come to my house or to my garden.

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  8. I love to find that people have full bookshelves - it's the first thing I look at if I'm visiting someone's house as I think you can tell a lot about people from the books they choose to keep. I guess that's why Zoom calls got so fascinating - so many people had their shelves behind them and that could tell you a lot! As for immaculate homes, we keep ours fairly tidy most of the time so spontaneous visitors wouldn't be a threat but, having said that, our furniture is shabby and worn, so there's no danger of it looking palatial.

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    1. A good compromise Fran! Yes I too like to look at people's bookshelves and they are very revealing, both the books themselves and also the way they are arranged. I have been fascinated to look at the bookshelves of various TV personalities broadcasting from home instead of from a studio. Using a zoom background is simply not playing the game!

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