Daring to be vulnerable by Tracy Williamson

A few days ago I posted in the ACW group how I'd been struggling this year; feeling disconnected and sad that I was not engaging more with the group.  I felt very vulnerable making that post as I'd wanted to share how excited I was to have achieved something amazing.  I wanted to post celebration and joy, not weakness and struggle.  Yes weakness and struggle were all I could share at this time.  I felt vulnerable but I received such lovely responses which made me realise I was not alone in my weakness, that others are struggling in that way too. I felt deeply comforted and shortly after, while having a conversation with a dear friend, I was taken further along the path that its ok to be vulnerable. We'd started off chatting lightly about this and that  and then suddenly she asked how I was, really.  She wanted to know, not just the standard response, 'Oh, I'm fine thank you,' but actually how I was.  She cared enough to ask and her care brought alive a response, a sharing of thoughts and feelings that I wouldn't normally share. Wonderings and memories not expressed before.  Suddenly these were out in the air and as the conversation moved, she too took her cue to share.  It became something precious and real.  It was ok to express our frailties, there didn't have to be solutions, we were just walking a path together of being real.

And it made me think about our writing, whatever form we use, whether novel, devotional, poetry, articles, stories, children's  books . . . how much it can be a means of helping our readers discover that it is ok to let the guard down, it's ok to express things that have been hidden in the depths, its ok to be afraid, to feel weak, to mourn.  

I love devotional writing and lifting people up through my words to experience the hope and peace of God's presence with them.  To reflect upon a scripture that may lead someone on a new pathway of joy.  But it doesn't take much browsing in the Scriptures to realise the sheer reality of so many of the Bible writers. In Psalm 42 for example the writer starts with the haunting words:

'As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you O God.  My soul thirsts for you, the living God.  Where can I go and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night while men say to me all day long, where is your God?' (Psalm 42:1 - 3 NIV)

The deer panting for streams of water is an evocative image, one the writer must see every day and yet suddenly, on this day and at this moment, it has opened the door to him seeing his own deep thirst and need of God.  And as he writes, I too identify my thirst, my inner longings that are hardly acknowledged let alone explored and brought into the light.  Without fear or shame he describes his tears and sorrow and I realise through his words how often I have swallowed my tears and ignored their voice.  This writing is powerful because it sets us free to understand, to feel and to be and thus to come alive.

Those of us who write stories have the immense privilege of expressing these deep areas of vulnerability in the lives and struggles of your characters and giving wings to your experience of God.  So Jesus in the story of the Prodigal Son, draws a picture of God not as Almighty Lord but as the heartbroken Father, seeking and longing for his long lost son and then throwing off all inhibition as he runs to embrace him after spotting the dot in the distance heralding his return.  An utterly vulnerable father pouring out his love without restraint.  Without such stories would we ever understand that God too allows Himself to be vulnerable? But with them we can rise up, see him in ways never thought of, discover our foetal cries and cleave onto life to the full.

I am me. I am a woman who loves to love but has known deep hurt and fear.  I was never a child who could play with abandon or throw myself into someone's arms for a cuddle.  That part of me was squashed and almost died.  Yet God's love and resurrecting light came in and raised me up.  Shoots and buds of longings and loves, passion and adventure  have formed together with buried lakes of tears and shouts of laughter.  I am weak even when I am strong.  I am me.  And as I put pen to paper I find an awesome thing, that the very act of exploring my vulnerability in words, opens the door for others to discover their own and healing, compassion and freedom flow, like those rivers of life I long for.  They will be mine and yours

Thank you all for letting me be vulnerable.

Tracy Williamson is a writer and speaker sharing a home and ministry with her great friend Marilyn Baker and their 2 assistance dogs. (Tracy is deaf and partially sighted and Marilyn is blind) Apart from writing, Tracy loves open fires, quality time with friends, sacred dance, endless chocolate, roaring seas and curling up with a great book.  For details of Tracy's books please visit www.mbm-ministries.org