Feeling like a fraud by Annie Try

OK – so I am confessing here – I feel like an interloper, a cheat, a fraud. You may query why, when I am the ACW Chair.  But the sad truth is that I haven’t written anything since the last blog, despite having a crunch date coming up when I talk about my next venture.


It’s not writer’s block, it’s something different. I recognise this old friend which seeps into my soul and grinds me into a halt; it is fatigue. I have been writing my prayer journal, but that is praying really and just noting things down.  I tried to sort myself out by spending Christmas money on a rather splendid planner/journal.  Unfortunately, it’s not dated, so although I filled in a few categories at the start, I haven’t actually put any deadlines for plans, so none have translated into action.  I wanted a planner particularly for writers, but couldn’t find one, so this one is a compromise and includes curious headings like ‘My Affirmations’ and ‘My Vision Board’ so I am pleased I used pencil to have a second go at the latter, when I’d used it in totally the wrong way to make lists of plans!


But, at the very start of the secular planner is the heading, ‘My Gratitude’ so amongst all the difficulties that are making life very challenging and tiring at present, I was able to write ‘Christ, Family, Friends, Home, Security …’ What a way to start! Then writing my passions down was another positive and when it came to ‘Skills to learn’ down went ‘regular blogging’, ‘plies’ and ‘book marketing’. Plies may look odd in that list, especially because I couldn’t find an acute accent for the e, but as some of you know, I go to dance classes for the over 55’s and my creaky knees need much persuading to do anything like the requisite balletic bends.


So, what has helped to lift my spirits even though I have achieved little by way of writing?  I am looking at my gratitude list and praising God.  My absolute muddle over how to sell my books has disappeared under the blanket term ‘book marketing’ and feels like it can cosy up there for a while without me feeling guilty.  


And I have a deadline, it’s the crunch date mentioned above.  Whether or not I write more of the non-fiction WiP is not important – I can prepare for the meeting anyway. 


And as for my fiction WiP – I need to find where I’ve stored it first and decide whether it is something worth finishing. It is a dystopian novel for young adults but I have been writing it for so long that Greta Thunberg’s message has over-ridden it!  But now I am thinking about it, there may be a way to place today’s warnings into the future’s past. Where’s my pen? I must scribble down these ideas in my new journal.


Annie Try (Angela Hobday) is a trained Clinical Psychologist and the author of four novels.  Her latest novel, Red Cabbage Blue, was published in September 2019 and is the third Dr Mike Lewis story.  Her present WiP is a non-fiction book to encourage Christians in prayer.