Psalm (of Helen) : A mission statement

Gentle readers, may I beg your indulgence with this post; I set out to write a psalm, without first making much of a study on how the psalms were written, and I know that there are scholars among you who know and understand things like structure, metre, the little couplety thing that many of the psalms have and so on.  This will clearly fall far short.

My offering below is probably neither a psalm nor a poem, but a kind of outpouring from the heart in the rough style of the psalmists at their most raw and un-poetic. I don't think God is offended by the awkward and unskilled, and this felt important to me. It just wanted to be said.

As a writer who has - and is - struggling to understand what I am called to do, to find a niche, so stop speak, this seems the very bottom line in why I keep opening my laptop and stringing words together even when frequently I feel like giving up for good. I have tried so many different things, nothing seems to fit, and I come back time and again to this one truth: I want to write about Jesus.

I promise I won't often try to do it in verse.

This is what happened when I splurged it all out. I wanted to share it with you.

I was afraid and alone and longing to be found

But I didn't even know I was lost.

I wept and you held out your arms

You came to find me and caught me as I fell

I cried out to you and you took my hand.

You drew me back to yourself.

I reached for you and you held me tightly

You took me in your arms and comforted me

You wiped away my tears.

I lifted up my heart to you for you to make it clean

I emptied out my life and laid it in front of you

Dirty and miserable

Pain and sin and selfishness

Naked I stood before you, full of shame

But you did not turn away.

I had nothing left to hide behind and still you loved me

I was ashamed at the state of my heart

But you washed it clean with your blood

And declared me your beloved child.

You forgave me.

(pause - to blow nose)

You took away my guilt and you gave me unending love

You took away the hurt and replaced it with belonging

My only offerings were fear and bitterness

And yet you blessed me more than I can say.

You said that I could start again.

You healed my wounds and lifted my head

You set me on my feet and steadied me

You played your music and taught me how to dance.

My Lord and my God.

When I wander away, you follow me

Wait at a distance until I am ready to return

You never let me out of your sight.

You carry on loving me.

When all is dark and I can't feel your presence

Still I will trust you, for I know that you are faithful.

I will praise you until I have no breath left in me

Because you are the Lord; there is only you.

You are the Holy One and yet you love me

You are the only God and yet you are my Friend

I am your child and you are my Father.

I am safe and I am loved

I can never repay you for what you have done for me

You have set me free.

I was poor and came to you with nothing

You gave me a beautiful gown and a crown for my head

And called me a royal princess.

You turned the page in the story of my life

And gave me words for a new chapter

You whispered your wonders into my ear 

And I have glimpsed your beauty.

I will speak of your mercy to all who can hear.

I will listen for your voice, for I know it well

I will write down all that you say to me

I will tell of your glory and the wonder of your love.

I will say, 'Here He is, my Saviour and my Friend,'

And people will come and be healed.