Clutching At Straws by Emily Owen

I am currently having speech therapy (SALT).

But you can talk for England, some might say.

Indeed, on occasion, I probably can.

But there are times when my voice becomes weak.

I was given a few exercises, one of which was to sing a scale. And – the instructions oh so confidently read – ‘you’ll be able to hear where your optimum pitch is’. 

I guess most SALT patients are not deaf.

I valiantly-ish hummed the scales (I have heard scales, many years ago), but there was no way I could hear my optimum pitch.

I grew dejected. I needed to know my optimum pitch – isn’t that what the instructions said?

Next SALT appointment, I sat down opposite J.

J: How’ve you got on?

Me: Not too well.

J: Oh?

Me: I can’t find my optimum pitch.

J: Let’s try some different exercises.

Me: Will these help me find my Optimum Pitch?

I ask this as J is handing me a straw.

Me: Perhaps this straw will help me find my Optimum Pitch?

ALT: My hand holding a straw in a bottle

You may have realised by now that I was rather obsessed with finding my Optimum Pitch. I won’t repeat all the conversations in the 45-minute appointment, but they were liberally sprinkled with Optimum Pitch obsession from me, and Optimum Patience from J.

Eventually, J said: Emily, forget about Optimum Pitch. Just concentrate on the exercises.

I stopped worrying about ‘optimum’, focussed on blowing through a straw and humming, and I began to make, at times, a fairly optimum sound (or so I was told). Not perfect – maybe that’ll come, who knows – but something to work with.

Perhaps writing can be a little like my SALT experience.

Optimum Prose. We all want to write it.

And maybe some days we do write it.

But maybe some days we don’t.

You might not write well every day, but you can always edit a bad page. You can't edit a blank page.

Jodi Picoult

Some days, we have to face the fact that what we write might need to be edited into Optimum Prose, which in turn might end up bearing little resemblance to the original.

But at least we’ve written something.

We are not Optimally Procrastinating.

What do you mean I’m clutching at ‘P’ straws now….

Maybe I am.

To clutch at straws: If you are clutching at straws or grasping at straws, you are trying unusual or extreme ideas or methods… https://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/to-clutch-at-straws

I clutch at a literal straw during the exercise that, seemingly bizarrely, may help me to finding my optimum pitch.

Perhaps writing when we don’t feel in the ‘Optimum Prose’ zone can seem an extreme idea.

Clutching at straws

And perhaps, sometimes, it’ll be worth clutching at straws.

Giving it a go anyway.

Perhaps picking up straws will lead, almost without us realising it, to Optimum Prose.

Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.

Lamentations 3:23