To sleep, perchance to dream....

I can’t say I’ve ever really suffered from writer's block. I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember, and apart from a period when my marriage was breaking up and life was very traumatic, I’ve continued writing unabated. Even then I continued writing, it’s just that most of it wasn’t for public consumption.

Now my paid job involves me in writing, so I’m constantly writing blogs, publications, email content and training modules. Never a day goes by when I’m not writing. I’ve just completed our newest publication, A Church That Cares, on the subject of what good pastoral care looks like for families affected by disability (there's a picture of it above; if it sounds relevant to your church, you can buy a copy from https://www.throughtheroof.org/shop/a-church-that-cares/).

But just over 2 years ago I started writing my third novel, based on the Winterbourne view scandal, with a young woman with a learning disability as its protagonist. I wrote the first twenty-three chapters, and have re-written and edited them a couple of times since. I’ve also done some on location research in the areas of Hull and Camborne in which different parts of the story are set.

And then it stalled. I haven’t picked up on it again, and when I’ve thought of doing so, I’ve never had the mental energy or the creative ideas, despite the fact that in the rest of my life I’ve been writing without any difficulty.

Earlier this year I had to face the fact that the sleep apnoea of which I’ve been aware for some years had reached the point where I could no longer ignore it, so I went to the doctor. I was sent for tests, and wired up to a monitor which I had to wear overnight. When I went for the results it turned out it was more serious than I realised. Sleep apnoea is regarded as severe if a person stops breathing between thirty and sixty times an hour. The monitor had recorded me stopping breathing eighty times an hour, every hour, all night long. I was told I could have a fatal heart attack in my sleep at any time.

I had to stop driving for a time, until the DVLA were satisfied that I was being adequately treated for the condition and gave me the all-clear to drive again. Now I have to wear a face mask at night, attached to a C-PAP machine (Continuous Positive Air Pressure) which keeps my airways open so that I breathe properly all night.

The difference it has made has been remarkable. I get eight unbroken hours of sleep every night. I’ve felt as if I was emerging from a fog, and my thoughts have started to turn again to my unfinished novel. Suddenly my brain is buzzing with creative ideas, just as it used to. I went on a retreat yesterday, and spent a lot of time just keeping company with God in quiet and stillness. I didn’t go to pray about my novel. And yet I came away from the retreat with my head full of the story, of fresh ideas, snippets of dialogue, ways to bridge gaps in the narrative. As soon as I can I’m going to take some time off work to pick up the threads and start writing it again. With the Whorlton Hall scandal just having been revealed by the Panorama programme it seems it’s still a topical theme.

I’m not sure what the moral of this tale is – perhaps it’s keep writing even when you feel below par – you might publish something new even in that state. But if you’re seriously struggling physically, get a health check. You never know what difference it may make to your writing.

 Ros Bayes has 12 published and 4 self-published books, as well as some 3 dozen magazine articles. She is the mother of 3 daughters, one of whom has multiple complex disabilities, and she currently works for Through the Roof (www.throughtheroof.org) as their Training Resources Developer, and loves getting paid to write about disability all day. You can find her blog at http://rosbunneywriting.wordpress.com and her author page at http://www.amazon.co.uk/Ros-Bayes/e/B00JLRTNVA/.