If you can't say anything nice (about yourself)... by Jane Clamp

Here’s a little brain tickler: did Jackson Pollock ever stand back from his latest masterpiece and beat himself up over one of his paint sploshes being too far over to the left?

image copyright edubuzz.org

How do you react when your manuscript has more holes in it than Gorgonzola?

We know that writers tend to be sensitive types, agonising over our word-craft. Being able to get to the heart of an issue from our own heart is a powerful skill, but leaves us highly vulnerable when it comes to criticism – even from within. Hearing our words being challenged is tantamount to an assault on our very souls.

Let’s be honest, the only words we want to hear in response to something we’ve written are “Well done.” (As an aside, “well done you” is not at all the same…) Hearing that our words have had a positive impact on our reader or listener make everything worth it. Encouragement builds us up, reinforces our self-worth and sends us forward with greater confidence. Criticism, however, has us switching off our laptops in despair. No matter how well-meaning it was and how brief, being told we got it wrong is hard to stomach.

Now, there are all kinds of things I could say in pursuit of this topic. I could wax lyrical about constructive criticism – the very path to improvement – and the obvious need to hone our skill and keep improving. But instead, I’m going to say something really simple: Be kind to yourself.

You heard me: be kind to yourself.

Who needs a critic when there’s one sitting on our shoulder that uses our voice? “That’s a load of rubbish / what are you wasting your time for? / I don’t know why you even bother / you’ll never make it, it’s not worth the effort.” Any of that sound familiar?

It is possible to break the cycle, you know. Develop a habit of telling yourself “Well done.” Finish your writing sessions with a private acknowledgement that it will need some more work, but it’s a great start. (There’s very little that can’t be changed later.) When words have refused to flow, feel proud that at least you turned up.

Make sure that your voice speaks the kindness your heart needs, and behind it you’ll catch the resonance of the only One whose opinion really counts.

Jane Clamp is Groups' Coordinator for ACW and author of Too Soon (SPCK).