Any elderly carers out there ....? by Eileen Padmore

This is my third blog.  The more observant will have noticed I am not averse to tackling tricky subjects like dead goldfish or the less than beautiful face of Jesus Christ.  This time I'm going to write about the caring role - or rather, the less talked about side of that role - from a third age perspective.

I'm well qualified.  Half my forty years of marriage have been spent as main carer for elderly grandparents and parents - and I claim relevant professional experience as a former member of a multi-disciplinary elderly care team: my remit to facilitate hospital discharge and prevent readmission.

We are all living longer, with many predicted to score a century.  An emerging demographic sees elderly folks attempting to care for those in extreme old age.  I retired a decade ago, and all of that time have cared for parents in their eighties then nineties.  Dad died five years ago at ninety-six and now Mum has achieved the same age.

I count it a great privilege (most of the time) to be able to care for parents who were self sacrificing, caring and put up with an awful lot of hassle from me - notably in teenage mode.  Role reversal time. Formal recognition of this came when they arrived on my doorstep one Mothering Sunday, offering a large bunch of flowers with,  'We're your children now'!

It's a family tradition to care for our elderly at home - a way of living out the Christian faith in everyday life?  My mother managed it - at great personal sacrifice I realise in retrospect.  She was released at age sixty-two when Grandma died.  I am a comfortable decade on from that.

My distant nurse training has helped me manage the role up to a point.  I remember long lists of signs, symptoms, diagnosis and treatment: neat identification of problems with attendant solutions.  There was a certain pride in recognising or anticipating Dad's issues and coming up with a fix every time.

But the day came when we crossed a line ....... when he strayed into the foggy world of dementia and neither Mum nor I was able to cope with his needs.  It broke our hearts when we ran out of answers and had to place him in a nursing home.  Recently I crossed a line with Mum when her function took a downturn with a stroke.

Memoirs about a life spent in looking after the elderly will need to be parked whilst I concentrate full time once more on the role itself, mobilising support to keep Mum at home.  No space here to talk about the knotty problem of managing the carer role whilst maintaining good relationships with siblings - a minefield for the unwary.

Perhaps more some time?

Does this blog fulfil the brief to cover Christianity and writing?  Not sure.  I'll leave you to decide.......

Eileen Padmore has retired from a life spent in health care and academia, having worked in Sierra Leone, Zambia, Eire and Northern Ireland (in the troubles) as well as inner city Birmingham and Leeds.  She has had articles published in 'Woman Alive', Christian Writer' and recently contributed to the popular ACW Lent book.  Married for forty years to a professional musician, the family includes a feisty springer spaniel and a large African tortoise.