Techno-lit - by Fran Hill

Famous stories could look oh-so-different had they been written in a more technological age .....

Don ShiftKeyote – a middle-aged Spaniard embarks on chivalrous deeds. He meets a sticky end when he finds that, despite chivalric intentions, when everything you say comes out in capital letters, you are easily misunderstood. 

Cyber with Rosie - a Gloucestershire lad in startlingly baggy trousers strolls through a field with a young girl with plaited hair and a gingham dress. The sun is out. They can hear cows. They discuss life at the village school, the cooking smells in his mother’s kitchen, and his new Apple iMac with 27-inch LED backlit display and widescreen 16:9 aspect ratio. They kiss.

The PrintPreview and the Pauper – a poor boy swaps places with a royal-born white screen with very tiny writing on it. Only when it is changed to 350% can anything in the story make sense and a happy ending ensue.

The Great Esc – prisoners of war tap the Escape key continually to hide the sound of tunnelling by their fellow prisoners.

Backspace Beauty – a horse tells its tragic story about how it was sent to a cruel master who would only allow it to gallop in reverse.

Three Men Boot Up – a trio of comic Englishmen decide that, with nothing else worthwhile to do, they will have a series of trivial adventures by agreeing to turn on their computers at the same pre-arranged time each day. There are hiccups, mainly because one or other of them gets involved in another activity totally unrelated to the plan, and goes on about it for a long, long time, and sometimes a large dog with a stupid name demands attention.

The Processor and the Pea – the broken innards of a computer are gently laid on a tall pile of twenty mattresses and twenty feather quilts with a pea underneath them all, but still will not work until a man arrives and says, ‘Take the pea out and put it back in again.’

Mobile Phone Dick – a man intends to go to sea in search of a whale but because of no network access at the shipping yard cannot let anyone know he is running late. Standing on a bench and holding his phone in the air, waving it about, has no effect. He misses the boat. The whale is relieved.

Watership PageDown – a group of furry bunnies, threatened with losing their homes, are saved because the estate agent in charge of the land does not scroll down far enough in the document, misses vital legal information, and the building works never get started. 

Of Computer Mice and Men - a tall but simple fellow pets the wrong kind of mouse and finds that they don't die as a result, ruining one of Steinbeck's most potent symbols in the novel as well as a lot of English lessons

Fran Hill is the author of Being Miss, a book about a day in the life of a harassed and trouble-prone teacher. You won't be surprised to discover that Fran is a harassed and trouble-prone teacher herself. You can find out about her book, and about other things she does and writes, on her website here