The Shadow on the Wall, by Deborah Jenkins

"People who are not gardeners always say that the bare beds of winter are uninteresting; gardeners know better and even take a certain pleasure in the neatness of the newly dug, bare, brown earth." V. Sackville-West

Vita Sackville-West, (1892 - 1962) was an English poet and novelist best known for her novels, The Edwardians and All Passion Spent. She was also a prolific gardener. Anyone who has visited the famous gardens at Sissinghurst, created by Vita and her writer/diplomat husband Harold Nicolson, will never forget the vibrant flower beds bursting with colour, framed by galleries of slender trees. I love the above quote, because bare, brown earth would have perfectly described my life a year ago and I want to encourage you if that's the season you're in now.

I was unhappy - in a stressful and draining job, with on-going low level health issues and almost no time or opportunity to write. Even when I did have time - I was technically only working four days a week though the total number of hours was around fifty-five  - I had neither the energy or focus to produce anything. If you are creative, you will understand how the days become drained of pleasure when you're unable to think and dream, when the things that breathe life and peace to you are absent. At around this time, I began to have a conversation with another writer in the ACW group. I think I had commented, rather dolefully, on a post she had written and it went from there. It was an interesting conversation during which she challenged me to think about reducing my teaching hours and - I will never forget these words - "...spend more time doing what you were put on this earth to do". I remember dismissing these words summarily, despite her own very powerful testimony of how God had provided for her over the years, deciding she couldn't possibly understand our situation. It was kind of her but this just wouldn't work for us.

But I respect this writer very much and her words left a shadow on the wall. I couldn't stop thinking about them. So I prayed and subscribed to teaching websites, combed the TES and kept an eye on what was happening in other local schools. Nothing. So I prayed some more. And I had the distinct impression that I was wasting my time, that God would open a door when He'd made one to open and for now, I had to wait. 

Bare, brown earth. Could I, like Vita Sackville-West, take pleasure in it? Hardly. But by focusing on other things - family, friends, the garden - I managed not to top myself. 

A few months later an ex-colleague contacted me with details of a part-time job at her school. She had moved a while ago and was very happy. Was I interested? It wasn't enough hours, but I had a hunch this could be right and was encouraged by my husband to apply. The interview went like a dream but I had to tell the Head it wasn't really enough days for me. He asked me how many hours I needed and told me he'd ring me after the other interviews had finished. And somehow, then I knew, I just knew that God was going to give me the job.

I am happier at work than I have been for years and I have three or four days a week to write, The most interesting thing of all is that since I handed in my notice at the old work-place, I've been given so many opportunities for paid writing work. I have not sought them. They have just arrived - through friends, new networks and old links that I'd thought were dead. It looks as though I'll end up earning more in the coming year than if I'd stayed in my old job.

The time was right for me. Is it right for you? If it's time for action, there'll most likely be a risk involved, because He's like that, our Father. While we're interested in safety, He's interested in growth. ("Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.” 

― C.S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe)

And if it's a waiting time, remember to watch for the shadow on the wall.

"Beauty's not always in a scarlet robe. She wears an old, black shawl: she flouts the flesh and shows the bone when winter trees are tall. More beautiful than fact may be the shadow on the wall..." Vita Sackville-West, The Garden

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Deborah Jenkins is a primary school teacher and freelance writer who has written articles, devotional notes and short stories. She has recently completed a novella, The Evenness of Things, available as an Amazon e-book and is currently working on a full length novel.. Deborah loves hats, trees and small children. After years overseas with her family, who are now grown up, she lives in south-west London with her husband, a Baptist minister, and a cat called Oliver.

To view the book, please click on the link.