It's hard to find the words by Lorna Clark

I had been sitting at my desk, trying to write a story about Thomas, the disciple. I was feeling sorry for the man who seemed to be remembered mainly for his doubt. I had done my background reading and prayed about it, but still nothing was coming, so I prayed again. When I say ‘prayed’ I was actually telling God that I was struggling and it would be far more effective if he just dictated what I had to say, plus no one would really be interested in my writing and the book would probably never get published anyway.

As I waited in silence, it dawned on me that I was sounding like a spoilt child who didn’t want to do her homework, so I asked for his forgiveness. He had put this project on my heart and so I’d do it.

It’s strange how he hardly ever responds as I would expect him to. This time two Bible verses embedded themselves in my mind.

‘God loves a cheerful giver.’ That hit hard. I was cheerful enough giving financially and timewise to other people but I wasn’t cheerful about giving my time to writing. There were so many things I would rather be doing. I had almost ignored the fact that, because this was part of my mission – possibly the biggest task he had asked me to do – he had chosen me specifically and he wanted me to give time to it, cheerfully and generously. I asked forgiveness again.

Then he said, ‘The mission is urgent.’ It’s important that I got on with things, to see the urgency of what he’d asked me to do. Embarrassed and ashamed, I once again asked for forgiveness, and promised to change my attitude.

So, how is my story about Thomas going? Well, I’ve written it, so at least there is something on the page to change. That’s just the first step in its journey towards completion. I’ll leave it until I start to self-edit. I am interested to see how it will be changed and refined.

It’s like us, we start out rough and unready and gradually God works on us, changing us and refining us. It’s what he started in me during the trials of writing about Thomas and will continue as I move on to Nicodemus. And God’s emphasis on urgency has led me to promise him I will submit book proposals to publishers by the end of August. Then it will be truly in his hands.

Lorna lives in Norfolk and loves the countryside. She is a licensed Lay Minister in her local church. She has published two cosy crime books and is working on a book of stories relating to each Sunday’s Lectionary readings.