The night TV changed my life
How many ACW members are watching Riot Women on BBC1? (And how many male ACW members?) Screenwriter Sally Wainwright also wrote the hit BBC dramas Happy Valley and Gentleman Jack. Her writing is powerful, funny and provocative. She tackles hard-hitting themes, in particular male sexual violence against women. (I’ve read some criticism that Wainwright’s male characters are routinely portrayed as despicable, but I disagree: there ARE good men in her dramas, it’s just that the women take centre stage).
An especially riveting plot line in Riot Women is the relationship between adoptive mother Beth and birth mum Kitty (Beth is mum to Tom, the son Kitty gave birth to as a young girl). Wainwright captures brilliantly the complex emotions of the two mothers and their son. For those of you watching the show, I’d love to know your take on this, so do comment below. For me as an adoptee, it rings true. It’s also refreshing to see the adoption triangle portrayed on screen.
I frequently mention my adoption story here because it is key to my identity and a fundamental part of my writing journey – how could it not be? Truth is also stranger than fiction: many adoptees can testify to that.
Regarding my own search for my birth mother, TV changed my life. One evening in October 1996, I sat down to watch a Channel 4 documentary called Love Child. Three birth mothers told their stories: all three had been heavily pressured to give up their babies for adoption in the 1960s. The premise of the programme was that even as the Sixties ushered in the sexual revolution, unmarried mothers were still treated with great harshness. An ‘illegitimate’ child (an ugly and false phrase) was sometimes called a ‘love child’ (another problematic descriptor). I started watching this programme without any thought of tracing my birth mother. By the time the closing credits were rolling, I’d reached a life-changing decision. By golly, I was going to trace, and nothing was going to stop me! The very next morning, I phoned the National Registry office (then in Liverpool) to ask for a copy of my birth certificate … and thus my rollercoaster journey began.
Throughout my search, there was an inner voice sounding within me like a drumbeat … “now, now, now, you’ve got to do this NOW.” (I believe the Holy Spirit was involved …)
The drive to search for my birth mother had been germinating within me for a long time, but I’d been scared and unsure about the process. Searching is a huge step for adoptees and parents. The Channel 4 documentary lighted the touchpaper. I was 34, a mature woman who knew her own mind. I knew I had to entrust the whole process to God and be prepared for anything to come to light, however emotionally challenging. I was ready.
Reader, the story had a happy ending.
If ever I write about this, it will be heavily fictionalised, because I’m fiercely protective of my adoptive family and my birth relatives and would not reveal their identities. The lead character, the adoptee, would have strong elements of me within her … everyone else will be an invented character. But the emotions will be real.
I guess I’d better write it.
I’m a Licensed Lay Minister in the Diocese of Rochester. I wrote a devotional for the anthology Light for the Writer’s Soul, published by Media Associates International, and my short story ‘Magnificat’ appears in the ACW anthology Merry Christmas Everyone.
Thanks Philippa, I loved reading this. As a former foster carer I've always been interested in how identity issues play out for children who are adopted or fostered. A key character in my WIP is adopted into a family very different from his own which feeds into his sense of identity. Definitely write that book!
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