Ambition’s a funny thing

Had I been one of Jesus’ disciples (!) I’m sure overhearing some of the things he said would have left me befuddled. For example ‘What do you want me to do for you?’ Jesus asked him. The blind man said ‘Rabbi, I want to see’.

 

It may have been a strangely obvious question to ask and yet if Jesus felt it necessary to ask it perhaps the problem was less located in the Son of God than the blind man. Who knows how long the gap was between Jesus’ question and the blind man’s answer? Seconds, minutes? Mark’s gospel is written at pace, he uses the word ‘immediately’ quite often, so we tend to think Jesus’ encounter with the blind man was done and dusted in a flash, no hesitation ‘Rabbi, I want to see’, then the miracle.

We all have ambitions – large and small that we treasure in our hearts.

 

I want to compete in a triathlon...one day. Either as one leg of a team or, harder, to do all three legs. I’ve held this ambition lightly for n years. In the past two years, I have graunched both shoulders and it has taken me almost two years to get back in the pool. Also, I tore a calf muscle twice and had a recurring sore Achilles, so my running speed has gone in the wrong direction. And, due to writing these days rather than cycling into work, wintry mornings somehow seem to keep the bike locked in the shed. Setbacks. But has that dimmed my ambition? No. Not when I think about it. It's still alive.

 

I wonder if our experience is similar to the blind man's. Do we have clearly defined ambitions as writers? Can we answer Jesus' question instantly? Then for Jesus to do a miracle and Boom! The blind man can see, or, ‘Rabbi, I want to write a book’. And off we go inspired and a book is published in no time?

 

In one sense maybe it is that easy to answer Jesus’ question. But I remember someone saying those like blind Bartimaeus were pitchforked into trouble due to the healing miracle. They knew how to be blind. How to survive by begging but now they would have to relearn everything, acquire new skills, face difficulties and setbacks, new discouragements. The speedy miracle was followed by a slower readjustment…even the ambition ‘Rabbi, I want to see’ may have been questioned, after all the difficulties encountered as a result of the miracle. It’s easy to slip back.

 

I know I’m preaching to the converted here! If you’re reading this your heart and mind are probably full of writing ambitions. But I wonder if you’re facing setbacks or disappointments, and the hill seems too hard to climb? Do I want to be published or is it I just want to write well, improve, enjoy it as a hobby, and not worry about public acclaim or obscurity? Maybe you’re driving forward with your next novel, or sitting at your desk staring into space…again?

 

Did the blind man have to take a moment? Maybe he did. Whether he did or not, he was faced with Jesus’ question – as am I - which I have reworked slightly: ‘What do you want me to do for you, writer?’