All the world's a book fair

 

This spoof is for the silly season, which I believe we are now in. It will only make sense to you if you know the speech by Jaques ‘All the World’s a Stage’ in Shakespeare’s As you Like It, Act ii, Scene vii.

All the world’s a book fair

And all the men and women merely writers.

They have their launches and their out-of-prints.

And one person in their time plays many parts,

Their acts being seven stages. At first the wannabe,

Mewling and posing about getting published.

And then the whining plotter, with Moleskine closed

And steaming morning coffee, creeping like snail

Unwillingly to screen. Then the procrastinator,

Sighing like furnace, with a woeful alibi

Made to their agent’s eyebrow. Then the author,

Flaunting their covers, and boasting of awards,

Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,

Seeking the bubble reputation

Even in Amazon’s mouth. Then the much-published,

Their fair high ratings with KDP linked,

With eyes severe and clothes of formal cut,

Full of wise hints and handy writing prompts,

And so they play their part. The sixth age shifts

Into the creative writing tutor,

With spectacles on nose and wine beside,

Their youthful aims well gained, the world too wide

For their shrunk powers, and their famed writing voice,

Travelling again well-trodden paths, drags

And falters on the page. Last scene of all

That ends this strange eventful history,

Is second-hand bookshop shelf and web oblivion,

Sans TikTok, sans Instagram, sans blog, sans everything.