My Beautiful Mask by Kathleen McAnear Smith

My Beautiful Mask

 

Claire Musters was featured on Wendy H. Jone’s podcast a few days ago. On 16 June Claire wrote the blogpost for More Than Writers. I just about decided to change my topic for this blogpost, when I realised I would be putting on one of those “masks” Claire so eloquently describes in her book “Taking Off The Mask”: ‘The Fear of What Other’s Think’ mask.

 

You see, unlike what I hear most of the people I know say- “can’t wait to get back!” I don’t want to go back to church in a building. 

 

Just as I have ordered a beautiful cotton mask made by my step-daughter in law (it’s her business), I’ll own up to the fact I’ve been actively considering an emotional mask that will get me through church gatherings in the flesh. As Claire wrote in this particular book about a selection of masks, I thought I could check out her list and select one that might work. 

 

It would be a British understatement to say that that was seriously NOT why Claire wrote the book. Taking Off the Mask teaches us how to recognise the invisible masks we are wearing, and takes us step by step in taking them OFF, for the purpose of going deeper in freedom. Claire asks, “Do you have a safe place within your church community where you feel you can be honest about your struggles?” 

 

I love that question. You may recall my last blog post where I described a very safe-to recover church. That church was an enormous encouragement to my developing as a disciple of Jesus. Unfortunately, since we left London I haven’t had the same experience. 

 

In chapter 4 of the book, Claire describes the situation I now face, “As weeks went by I would go to meetings in small-group settings and feel God prompt me to be honest and open with those around me. But it felt raw, harsh and lonely. Over time, I began to realise why: no one else had lowered their mask.”

 

Where I worship now, our Pastor is inspiring and caring, and the team at the door are described as “so welcoming and friendly.” Yet, in small-groups I’ve had to deal with cheap jokes and mockery about my American nationality. There is little to no leap of understanding as to how systemic racism might cause at least a pause for personal reflection. It’s an “other people’s problem”. 

Which is why I now find myself reaching for a mask. 

 

If only to find self-reflecting, repenting friends, I’ve gone back via streaming to that old London church. Yet one night, in small zoom group, someone even in that church insisted on pointing only to my nation (not theirs) regarding racism. This time, thankfully, the group leaders stood up to the challenge and reminded us all of safe-guarding. Claire says “churches are supposed to be safe places.”

 

Unlike the beautiful flowers on the cotton mask I’ve just purchased, the masks we often wear “are actually suffocating the real people-the real you and me-are trapped behind them,”says Claire. I love her freedom payers.

 

Alas, while I aim for this freedom from mask-wearing; as I prepare for an additional transition (from non-fiction to fiction writing), I’m ashamed to say another writer comes dangerously to mind, “You own everything that happens to you.Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”*

C.H. Spurgeon “I kiss the wave that threw me on to the Rock of Ages.” 

* Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life 

Kathleen is from a five-nationality family working on cross-cultural understanding. Her book “Beyond Broken Families” speaks of Ezekiel’s serious intent for your family in this century, and Jesus’ work to bring down walls of hostility. She is a “mature” student at Spurgeon College, London. Kathleen would like to start a small Reading for Writing group that reads about black lives in history.