Writer's Glut by Keren Dibbens-Wyatt

There is something that keeps me awake at night. Not the entire cast of Shameless who appear to live over the road, because after 2am when I’m trying to sleep is the only time they are quiet. Not money worries or housing problems, sick or elderly relatives, my own ailing health, though goodness knows I could angst* for England over all of that.

There are a lot of big, difficult problems in my life, most of which I can’t tell you about. Even my cat is trying to chew her own fur off at the moment. She has a lovely big bald patch on her tail and on her belly. A vet’s appointment may be imminent, though with me being housebound now it will be my poor husband who has to wrestle her into the carrier and take her.

No, it’s not any of those things. It’s the books. My hard drive is full of them. Finished, half finished, partly started, little but potentially wonderful ideas that I’ve jotted down in my prayer journals. There is not merely a plethora of material, there is a positive glut of it.

Maybe it’s because I barely move, but my head seems to be a halfway house for every poem and picture book wafting about in the ether. I’m currently trying to finish a mystical book about angel encounters and a middle-grade children’s novel about pirates as well as a great many other projects, and I lie awake in the early hours wondering if I will ever finish any more of it, and whether any of it will be published. And when I’ve finished worrying about that, I begin worrying about the 39 prayer journals I haven’t typed up or collated yet (I’ve done one).

If I do get to dream I have nightmares which might be entitled, "The Books," directed by Alfred Hitchcock.

The current pandemic is not helping. I was worried before about dying before I’ve finished all this writing, and now I’m worried it could be sooner than the four decades from now I’m going to need.

Into all of this worrying, which I take often to God in prayer, came one simple question from Him that is helping to free me.

Do I not think there will be books in heaven?

And the answer that bubbled up in my heart was, of course! And I did feel a little silly, if I’m honest. There will be libraries bursting with gorgeous, beautiful books, and all of eternity to write, illustrate and indeed, read them. Isn’t that a wonderful thought?

So now I think to myself, well yes, it would be nice to have finished these so that they might bless a few earthly readers, but I’m sure that when we go home to God, there will be room and time for every word, every picture, every idea, to be written and drawn and worked out to perfection.

I’m hoping as well, that in heaven I might get some sleep.



*I know, I know, but I think it makes a good verb, too. 

Keren Dibbens-Wyatt is a chronically ill writer and artist with a passion for poetry, mysticism, story and colour. Her writing features regularly on spiritual blogs and in literary journals. Her full-length publications include Garden of God’s Heart and Whale Song: Choosing Life with Jonah. She has a new book, Recital of Love, coming out with Paraclete Press in June 2020. Keren lives in South East England and is mainly housebound by her illness.

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