How the Unicorn Unbecame

Weep not, O Best Beloved, while I tell you the tale of How the Unicorn Unbecame. Stay your handkerchief, straighten your back and stiffen your lip. Are you ready?

Some say Unicorn never lived. But he did. And she did, for there were two such creatures, and they were neighbours-next-door to Mr and Mrs Noah aforetimes and formerly and before.

And Mr Noah would say Good Morning and then Mr Noah would go to work on his Ark (his Ark took so many days!) and not be back until Evensong.

And Mrs Noah would say Good Morning and then Mrs Noah would go to work listing all the animals and preparing all the meals (there were so many animals!) and one Tuesday Mr Unicorn and Mrs Unicorn offered to help, but on account of their not having fingers (they divideth not the hoof) and not being able to cook (they cheweth not the cud), Mrs Noah smiled and said No Thank You But You Were Very Kind to Offer.

Mr Unicorn was unsure whether he had cousins on the other side of the mountain and Mrs Unicorn said she would very much like to know and so she went along with him to find out. And around Wednesday lunchtime they found themselves a little lost, and also a little worried about the cloudy weather. They had not found any of Mr Unicorn’s cousins hitherto and as yet and whenceunto, but Mrs Unicorn suddenly stopped and announced, Aha!

There in front of them, and a little to the left, were seven pairs of sheep, all of them going the other way.

Are you coming? The first sheep asked Mrs Unicorn. We’ve been summonsed. Mrs Noah wants us by Friday at the latest, and we mustn’t be late. Looks like rain, you know.

Mrs Unicorn wanted to say something about Mr Unicorn’s Ostensible Cousins, but did not want to embarrass the fellow in front of seven pairs of sheep and so said nothing. Mr Unicorn was wondering if it might be Wednesday already, but it probably was because it was always Wednesday when he didn’t know what day it was.

The sheep then asked (most impolitely), Are you going as a pair, or as seven pairs?

Mr Unicorn was not too clear on counting, but he did know that he and Mrs Unicorn were not seven pairs of anything, and that the whole operation might well depend on locating his Ostensible Cousins. However, he did not want to embarrass himself in front of seven pairs of sheep and so he said nothing. The sheep carried on, muttering about how Unicorns were impossible.

By elevenses on Thursday, it was spitting rain. Mrs Unicorn, unsure whether they were still lost or had already negotiated the mountain entirely and completely and utterly, suddenly stopped again and said, Aha!

There in front of them, and a little to the right, were seven pairs of chickens, all going the other way.

Are you coming? The first chicken asked Mrs Unicorn. We’ve been summonsed. Mrs Noah wants us by Friday at the latest, and we mustn’t be late. The sky might fall, you know.

And without hesitating and ever-so-impolitely, the chicken also asked, Are you going as a pair, or as seven pairs?

Now this was too much for Mr Unicorn, whose understanding of Wednesdays was now rather wobbly, and whose Ostensible Cousins had still not apparated. He froze on the spot and said nothing. Mrs Unicorn, not wanting to embarrass him in front of seven pairs of chickens, said nothing herself, and the chickens carried on, muttering about how they could not believe these ridiculous Unicorns.

By Friday rain was falling steadily and large puddles were forming. Mrs Unicorn had a nagging feeling she was supposed to be somewhere. Mr Unicorn had decided his Ostensible Cousins really ought to take pity on them both, being all bedraggled and wet as they were.

They continued onwards. On Saturday the puddles were deep enough to swim across. By Sunday Mrs Unicorn could not remember when she had not been bedraggled. Late on Monday, too proud to turn back and too tired to swim, Mr Unicorn and Mrs Unicorn drownded.

O Best Beloved, do not weep at their demise.

They had both forgotten that Unicorns divideth not the hoof and cheweth not the cud. There was never need for any cousins, ostensible or otherwise. O Best Beloved, take note!

They had not listened when they were summonsed. They had been impossible when others tried to help and had continued proudly in the wrong direction. O Best Beloved, take heed!

Learn from the Impossible Unicorn, and always listen when you are called. For failing to listen is how the Unicorn Unbecame.

------------------------------------------------------

Lucy Marfleet is a tutor for Spurgeon's College 'Equipped to Minister' course and writes about the Bible. Her new book, Telling the Big Story: The Bible in 60 Minutes is coming out later this year.

This post was inspired by Annie Try’s post on 15^th October:  https://morethanwriters.blogspot.com/2024/10/gathering-gifts.html  

Pictures from Pixabay