Please Leave the Building Immediately

Weekends away. Before I became a writer, these were the kind of things I could only dream of. When we moved up to Suffolk in 2006, I had a toddler and a baby and every day was a non-stop round of crying, tantrums, refusal to eat a particular foodstuff and reluctance to go to bed. The children had their moments too. 

As they grew, so did our catering business, necessitating our absence most weekends to go and cook for other people. We added in another child in 2008 just to make sure that life would never be dull. Most Saturday nights, we would be in someone’s house or at a party venue surrounded by happy, smiling folk enjoying their weekends away and that was lovely, of course. But from time to time, I would wonder if I would ever be the kind of person who packed a small suitcase and a good book and made my way to a conference centre somewhere in, oh I don’t know, the East Midlands. 

Dear readers, I am now that person! Yes! My dream has come true. My blog today, by the miracle of scheduling, comes to you from room 313 at the Hayes in Swanwick, a fine Christian conference centre with everything a person could reasonably need for a great weekend away. It’s Saturday morning, I am sipping a nice cup of tea and sitting in my pjs in my room composing a number of words for your entertainment and delectation. 

It's quite a long way from Suffolk to Derbyshire and I was delighted that Lucy Robinson and Natasha Woodcraft were joining me. I found Lucy quite easily, but our journey to St Neots’ to pick our next passenger up (“Car for Woodcraft?”) was fraught with difficulty. The satnav didn’t recognise the new road recently carved through some former fields and we went round in circles for a while. Confused by a perfectly valid postcode, the car’s internal workings sent us off down various roads which weren’t hers, culminating in a triumphant arrival at somewhere called Bloomfield Close. She doesn’t live there. 

Anyway, we got here with half an hour to spare and Friday evening was just wonderful. Meeting so many people I’ve only ever messaged or Zoomed with was a joy. Catching up with others who I have met at other ACW events equally so. Exhausted, I collapsed into bed with Adrian Plass at 10.30 and drifted into a deep sleep. Just before I did, I read a message from top chum and fellow delegate Deborah Jenkins. “Ruth, if there’s a fire, please come and get me! I always worry I won’t hear the alarm.” 

At midnight, I was jerked into wakefulness by flashing lights, a siren and a loud mechanised voice ordering me to leave the building AT ONCE and helpfully explaining that the cacophony was a fire alarm. Stumbling around in the dark, I donned my terrible old sandals, thanked the Lord I had packed my good M&S pjs, seized my phone and walked against the tide of recently awoken Christian writers towards Deborah’s room. There were no leaping flames that I could see, but I’m a woman of my word. 

Picture the scene. A car park in Derbyshire at midnight full of bewildered writers of faith in an assortment of pyjamas, nighties, dressing gowns and slippers. There were lots of checks and stripes. Nikki Salt was sporting a desperately trendy pair of shoes. As I often say, life is copy, and even as the lights flashed and the wind whistled around my chilly little ankles, I thought to myself “Ruth, this blog is going to write itself.” 

Did I get back to sleep? Yes I did. Did I wake every hour, on the hour, to go to the loo? Yep. It’s important to stay hydrated, but what we could charitably call streams of living water were doing my night’s rest no good. 

Now I’m aware I’m running out of words and also it is nearly dinner time. So to round this off, let me share with you my top takeaways from what has been a fantastic weekend so far.

 

1.    Sophie Neville’s photography workshop – amazing. I learned more in fifteen minutes than I have in a lifetime. I loved the fact that she waved her hand airily at what she called her “turquoise corner.”

2.    Anne Booth’s absorbing talk.

3.    Really nice food that someone else cooked three times a day. No washing up. Thank you.

4.    A hilarious set from the incomparable Paul Kerensa on Friday night. Thank heavens I didn’t wear eyeliner.

5.    Having my publisher Nicki Copeland and my agent Tony Collins in the same room at the same time.

6.    Annmarie Miles’ social media workshop. She could have read me the ingredients of a Vesta Ready Meal and I would have been rapt.

7.    A revolving musical biscuit tin which plays the national anthem. Come on! Thank you to lovely Sarah Tummey for this unexpected and totally fantastic gift.

8.    Adrian and Bridget Plass.

9.    Matt McChlery, the Bill Withers of ACW

10. The Next Big Thing on Netflix. You’ve had the Queen’s Gambit, Bridgerton, now brace yourself for Jane’s Kidney. Further details to follow 

I wrote this blog and scheduled it on Saturday night. I thought I was all done. I wasn't. On Sunday morning, our speaker was Jonathan Bryan. I found his talk profoundly life-changing and I can't sign off without saying that it may have been one of the most important things I've ever heard. To find out more, you'll have to read my MTW blog next month.

God bless you all.

Ruth is married with three children, one husband, assorted poultry and a cat. She is the author of “The Diary of Isabella M Smugge”, “The Trials of Isabella M Smugge” and is currently writing “The Continued Times of Isabella M Smugge”. She writes for a number of small businesses and charities, reviews books for Reading Between the Lines and blogs at ruthleighwrites.co.uk. Ruth has abnormally narrow sinuses and a morbid fear of raw tomatoes, but has decided not to let this get in the way of a meaningful life. You can find her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and TikTok at @ruthleighwrites and at her website, www.ruthleighwrites.co.uk.