No More Quaking by Tracy Williamson

I wonder how many of us quake inside when we come to that moment of having to revisit what we've written in order to edit it? 

I've always known I'm quite an avoider.  If I feel tired at the end of my meal, its no problem to me to leave the plates on the table and go to have a snooze and of course avoid the washing up!  

But washing up doesn't make me quake inside.

Its just a job I don't fancy doing.  

We all have jobs like that.  To my shame I can think of quite a few!  Gardening, Decluttering, Sorting my admin and finances...I easily escape from all these tasks because that's what they are, tasks that I dislike but I've got to do.  

But as much as I try to avoid them, they don't make me quake inside.

So what is it about editing my own work that does make me quake? 

It's that little voice inside that tells me, even before I start the editing, 'Aha now you'll see how rubbish you are.  You think you've created something so special but no one's gonna want to read that!' 

It's a strange thing cos I'm deaf and can never hear what people say, but I have no trouble at all in understanding that nasty little voice.  

It sounds so convincing and true.  

And so I quake inside and even before I've read the first page, I'm looking out for the things that prove it's rubbish.  I have my eyes open for the twigs, the thorns and briars and have no eye for the beauty shining through.

But today I had a revelation.  I was thinking about the story of creation in Genesis. and it says at the end of his week of creating the universe, that 'God saw all that he had made and it was very good.'  (Genesis 1:31)

'God saw all he had made and it was very good.' 

I suddenly realised that when God was in that position of surveying his own work, he didn't quake; he didn't listen to negative voices, he didn't become depressed or anxious; rather he delighted in all he had made and he was proud.  He was happy to express that pride and to be joyful that what he'd made was beautiful and incredible.  

And suddenly the thought came to me, 'why quake inside?  God's inside me!'  If he delighted in the world he made and saw that it was 'very good,' why should I give any space to that negative voice that makes me believe that what I've made is rubbish.  God is doing his creative works through me and he can't make rubbish.  

Can I start to see my work differently?  To approach it with joy instead of fear? Even to delight in what I have made? God said through David, that I am 'fearfully and wonderfully made.'  He delights in me  I may look in the mirror and choose to see only my gawky frame, unbalanced gait and all my lacks.  But he looks at me and sees his beautiful child that he created with joy.  

While it's important I am humble and true in the way I view my writing, I don't want to quake with fear that I've written rubbish.  God is the perfect creator and while I DO need to edit and change things, that's just part of being formed in The Creator's image and having him live within me.  As I edit and change things, more and more of his beauty will be seen in what I've made.  

Knowing that makes me rejoice, even if it takes 100 edits to get something just right.

No more quaking!

Tracy Williamson is an author and speaker working with blind Gospel singer songwriter Marilyn Baker in itinerant ministry MBM Trust www.mbm-ministries.org. Tracy's new book about inner transformation will be published by Authentic Media in Sept 23.