Dealing with the F word by Tracy Williamson

I realise today that I need to talk about the F word

The F word, surely not? 

Yes, but it's not what you think.

The F Word is the word we try to avoid at all costs

And which devastates us when it comes

but which comes to us all.

Failure.

Failure.

I failed to get this blog in on time.

The day is 3/4 over.

I should have had it finished last night at the latest,

but I completely forgot.

I forgot right up until just now

When it was virtually too late.

That came on top of another failure today,

To watch my timing when I was giving a talk.

I went on far too long and made others feel pressured with what they were contributing.

Failure!

On top of other failures this week.

Like a mountain.

Do you ever find that one failure seems to ignite your awareness of 100 others and before you know it, you are in a prison of four high grey walls and no window?

You cannot see the sun?

You cannot hear the music?

You cannot write the story?

Are you saying to yourself today 'I am a failure?'  

I didn't spend the time I promised with my kids; I didn't write the amount of words I'd planned; I didn't clean my house; market my book right; succeed in getting a publisher...

I didn't! 

I didn't....

Will you stop just for a moment?

Take a deep breath and be still/

Let your heart calm down 

And stop its endless accusing.

Listen to the whisper within.

'Child, you didn't, but I DID.'

I went to the cross for you;

I carried your failure

I died to forgive you.

I love you.

Just as I showed my precious son Peter when He was crying inside with the knowledge of what he'd done,...

But I saw him differently as a beautiful channel of my forgiveness to others

One who was called to feed and nurture my lambs, to show them they were loved and forgiven.

I see you differently too,

As one in whose very awareness of your weakness

Flows the channel of my grace.

Not Failed but Forgiven

Not Failing but Transforming

Not Failure but Friend.

I hear His whisper

I see His smile

I let go of the mountain of accusations

And smile back at my Friend

My Encourager

My Forgiver

And I pick up my pen and write.

And I pick up my heart and live

Tracy Williamson is an author and speaker working with blind sing songwriter Marilyn Baker for MBM Trust