When the tank feels empty… by Nicki Copeland

I’ve been thinking about this post for a few days now. My date has been looming, and I’ve been struggling to think of what I can write about. How to relate my current life events with something that will encourage and inspire all who read it. But… nothing.

As I’ve prayed about it, I’ve just had a sense that I need to be honest about where I’m at. So here it is.

I’m feeling as though I’m processing so many thoughts and feelings at the moment that there’s not much left in the tank for writing. I’ve been wrestling with a whole variety of emotions – from joy and peace all the way through to sadness and grief. As an introvert, I need time to myself to process and work through these, which means I’ve withdrawn somewhat from engaging with social media, and even from my loved ones to an extent.

I’m so very grateful for my family and friends – for their support and unconditional love. God knows what we need, and he ensures we have access to it, and I’m trying to press in more deeply to him during this season too.

I’m very aware that I need to look after my own emotional and mental health. I’ve started knitting again (it’s been a long time…). Tom the tea cosy (pictured) is my first lockdown project, and I’m now working on a patchwork throw. I’m definitely not artistic, so for me, to follow a pattern that someone else has produced is a way to be creative without the angst of having to try to work it all out myself!

Doing things like this – knitting, cutting the grass, cooking, going for a walk – all give me thinking and processing time. I probably don’t do enough of them, so perhaps I should make it my goal to go for at least a short walk every day. I’m still working, so factoring that time in to a busy schedule isn’t always easy, but it is important.

I’m sure I’m not the only one feeling this way at the moment. Lockdown is having a different effect on all of us. And the way we feel may even be quite different every day – perhaps we swing from feeling great one day to really struggling the next. I guess that pretty much sums it up for me.

So if this applies to you too, know you are not alone. Do whatever you need to do to look after yourself. It’s not selfish – it’s necessary. If your tank is empty, you can’t be there for others, so it’s not a luxury – it’s a priority. So don’t feel guilty about taking some time out for yourself.

I feel as though I’m preaching to myself here, but perhaps this is a message I’ve been needing to hear too. God has a way of speaking to me as I write, so maybe this is what he wants to say to me as well.

Nicki Copeland is a freelance writer, speaker, copy editor and proofreader – and loves anything to do with words. She is the author of Losing the Fig Leaf and Less than Ordinary? She is also responsible for the day-to-day running of Instant Apostle publishers. When she has the luxury of some free time, she can invariably be found with a book in one hand and some chocolate in the other.