Cut it out - by Fran Hill
It's a fine balance. How much should we explain to readers in the interests of clarity? How much should we leave to their imaginations and intelligence?
When does 'explaining' become 'patronising'?
We don't want our readers to say 'Er - what the heck is going on? I don't get it!' But neither do we want them complaining, 'I got that, thanks! I'm not stupid!'
Part of the editing process is getting this balance right.
When I come across pieces I wrote (and published!) 20 years ago, I see I was guilty then of over-explaining. My prose was woolly and repetitive and I showed the readers what I meant and then told them all over again in another way.
Thank you, anyone who published me then, despite it all.
Now, I err on the side of under-explaining, leaving the reader to work it out for themselves, and have to add touches here and there in the editing process to make myself clear.
I often write humour, so, for me, the techniques of understatement and suggestion are invaluable so I'm tempted to overdo them. Overdoing the underdoing, perhaps.
We discussed 'over-explaining' at a recent ACW West Midlands group meeting as part of a workshop on 'CuttingYour Prose'. The following exercises helped us to explore some traps we fall into, and they might help you, too. Have a go.
Cut redundancies. Which words could be cut? Why?
1. I recently bought a Rottweilerdog.
2. I can't decide whether or not to go to the party.
3. I love the Pound Shop because of the bargain prices.
4. I'm jealous of attractive supermodels.
5. We took the lift up to the 79th floor to view the city better.
6. He was killed when he fell on the sharp spikes of the fence.
7. The armed gunman entered the shop.
8. Combine the ingredients together.
9. I knelt down beside the child.
10. We'll look ahead to the future.
11. I felt real nostalgia for the past as we went by my old house.
12. Top your pasta with Parmesan cheese.
Cut 'explanations' in dialogue. Which words could go, or be replaced? Why?
1. 'You're a rotten two-timing scum-faced ratbag and I'll hate you for ever,' she raged, angrily.
2. 'Well, you're an ugly old witch with a body like a bloated blue whale,' he threw back, insultingly.
3. 'Will you two please, please, please be quiet?' begged their daughter, imploringly.
Cut 'explanatory' statements. Which sentence is not needed in the following descriptions?
1. It was a blustery day. In the High Street, the wind hurtled along, as panicked as the Christmas shoppers.
2. I bustled along the supermarket aisles, checking my watch as I edged past other customers and grabbed washing powder. I was in a hurry.
3. She looked with despair at the piles of shoes heaped in the hall, the glasses, cups and plates that littered the kitchen and the dirty towels the children had abandoned on their bedroom floors. The house needed tidying and she didn't want to do it.
Add completely unnecessary additions to these extracts :) The first is done as an example.
1. It was midnight as Kerry tiptoed downstairs with her dancing shoes dangling from one hand and her breath held in case her parents called her name. She didn't want them to hear her sneaking out.
2. At 7 in the morning, Rosie glanced in the bathroom mirror, frowning at the Bride of Frankenstein reflection.
3. 'As soon as I get home from the office,' Matt said to his colleagues, 'I'm going to anaesthetise myself with seven cheese toasties and a bottle of wine.'
4. Every time her mother commented on the meal, the children's behaviour, the state of the kitchen or the flavour of the coffee, Madeline had to escape into the kitchen and breathe for a minute before returning to the dining room.
Fran is a writer, blogger and teacher based in the Midlands. Her new book 'Miss, What Does Incomprehensible Mean?' will be published by SPCK Publishing in 2020. You can find out more about Fran and her work right here
When does 'explaining' become 'patronising'?
 |
We don't want our readers to say 'Er - what the heck is going on? I don't get it!' But neither do we want them complaining, 'I got that, thanks! I'm not stupid!'
Part of the editing process is getting this balance right.
When I come across pieces I wrote (and published!) 20 years ago, I see I was guilty then of over-explaining. My prose was woolly and repetitive and I showed the readers what I meant and then told them all over again in another way.
Thank you, anyone who published me then, despite it all.
Now, I err on the side of under-explaining, leaving the reader to work it out for themselves, and have to add touches here and there in the editing process to make myself clear.
I often write humour, so, for me, the techniques of understatement and suggestion are invaluable so I'm tempted to overdo them. Overdoing the underdoing, perhaps.
We discussed 'over-explaining' at a recent ACW West Midlands group meeting as part of a workshop on 'Cutting
Cut redundancies. Which words could be cut? Why?
1. I recently bought a Rottweiler
2. I can't decide whether or not to go to the party.
3. I love the Pound Shop because of the bargain prices.
4. I'm jealous of attractive supermodels.
5. We took the lift up to the 79th floor to view the city better.
6. He was killed when he fell on the sharp spikes of the fence.
7. The armed gunman entered the shop.
8. Combine the ingredients together.
9. I knelt down beside the child.
10. We'll look ahead to the future.
11. I felt real nostalgia for the past as we went by my old house.
12. Top your pasta with Parmesan cheese.
Cut 'explanations' in dialogue. Which words could go, or be replaced? Why?
1. 'You're a rotten two-timing scum-faced ratbag and I'll hate you for ever,' she raged, angrily.
2. 'Well, you're an ugly old witch with a body like a bloated blue whale,' he threw back, insultingly.
3. 'Will you two please, please, please be quiet?' begged their daughter, imploringly.
Cut 'explanatory' statements. Which sentence is not needed in the following descriptions?
1. It was a blustery day. In the High Street, the wind hurtled along, as panicked as the Christmas shoppers.
2. I bustled along the supermarket aisles, checking my watch as I edged past other customers and grabbed washing powder. I was in a hurry.
3. She looked with despair at the piles of shoes heaped in the hall, the glasses, cups and plates that littered the kitchen and the dirty towels the children had abandoned on their bedroom floors. The house needed tidying and she didn't want to do it.
Add completely unnecessary additions to these extracts :) The first is done as an example.
1. It was midnight as Kerry tiptoed downstairs with her dancing shoes dangling from one hand and her breath held in case her parents called her name. She didn't want them to hear her sneaking out.
2. At 7 in the morning, Rosie glanced in the bathroom mirror, frowning at the Bride of Frankenstein reflection.
3. 'As soon as I get home from the office,' Matt said to his colleagues, 'I'm going to anaesthetise myself with seven cheese toasties and a bottle of wine.'
4. Every time her mother commented on the meal, the children's behaviour, the state of the kitchen or the flavour of the coffee, Madeline had to escape into the kitchen and breathe for a minute before returning to the dining room.
 |
| Fran described the hurricane's effects on the sea, the trees and the panicked residents running for their lives, then added, just in case, 'It was a bit windy.' |
Fran is a writer, blogger and teacher based in the Midlands. Her new book 'Miss, What Does Incomprehensible Mean?' will be published by SPCK Publishing in 2020. You can find out more about Fran and her work right here
Gosh, this is brilliant! You should be an English teacher. Very useful. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteHa ha! That made me smile!
DeleteFabulous! It's amazing how we can look at these examples and laugh because they're so funny, but often in our own writing we can slip into this wordy style unconsciously and then feel mortified when an editor points it out...
ReplyDeleteThanks, Sheila! I guess that's what editors are for, even if it hurts!
Delete