Journal by Trevor Thorn
Try as I might, I still find it hard to empty my mind of all of those concerns that continually bounce around when I try to be quiet with God. I am too much of an activist, I think.
So, some long time ago, I followed a suggestion that a prayer journal might help. If, it was suggested I wrote down my thoughts, I would stay more focused on what I wanted to take to God that morning: and hopefully also be more open to what God wanted of me.
My intention at the outset was that it would be an everyday activity during my morning quiet time. That remains my intention, but even a quick flick through the pages reveals at least a few days, and sometimes more, in every month when I haven’t lived up to my own ‘ambition'.
Thankfully, I firmly believe that God will be tolerant of this - even if he shares in my disappointment, which is sometimes virulent enough to make me wonder if it is worth carrying on. Then comes the ‘Will I listen to the whisperer who says it really isn’t worth it at all!’
When that happens, there is, again thankfully, an antidote which I’ve come to discover over time. I turn back to those past journal pages where the corner is turned down and a few lines marked. Those signify the moments where an idea has occurred during my sometimes almost incoherent jottings, which I think at the time of writing I might want to explore later. From those which puzzle me as to why I have marked them at all, through those which spark no more than they did earlier, to the surprise moment when I think,
‘Wow! This is extraordinary? It somehow demands to be thought through’.
Sometimes then a poem is born. Then after the poem - a wave of thankfulness for the balm of a creative idea amidst the dryness.
I cannot imagine mine is a unique experience but I am grateful for it: I am grateful to have been brought back to the idea and I am grateful for whatever the genesis of the idea was. In some of those reflections I can see that the threads from which this idea derived were woven way, way back in my life history. In those moments, I can find myself marvelling at incidents that are best explained, in my view, as the astonishing work of the Holy Spirit, preparing, guiding, drawing events together and speaking into the retrospect of a half-formed idea. What grace!
Journalling will not work for everyone, and some will, I suspect, regard it as a very poor substitute for active listening. But for this activist, it is unquestionably a gift from God, and if just one person reads this and finds similar patterns in their prayer life, I will be glad.
So, some long time ago, I followed a suggestion that a prayer journal might help. If, it was suggested I wrote down my thoughts, I would stay more focused on what I wanted to take to God that morning: and hopefully also be more open to what God wanted of me.
My intention at the outset was that it would be an everyday activity during my morning quiet time. That remains my intention, but even a quick flick through the pages reveals at least a few days, and sometimes more, in every month when I haven’t lived up to my own ‘ambition'.
Thankfully, I firmly believe that God will be tolerant of this - even if he shares in my disappointment, which is sometimes virulent enough to make me wonder if it is worth carrying on. Then comes the ‘Will I listen to the whisperer who says it really isn’t worth it at all!’
When that happens, there is, again thankfully, an antidote which I’ve come to discover over time. I turn back to those past journal pages where the corner is turned down and a few lines marked. Those signify the moments where an idea has occurred during my sometimes almost incoherent jottings, which I think at the time of writing I might want to explore later. From those which puzzle me as to why I have marked them at all, through those which spark no more than they did earlier, to the surprise moment when I think,
‘Wow! This is extraordinary? It somehow demands to be thought through’.
Sometimes then a poem is born. Then after the poem - a wave of thankfulness for the balm of a creative idea amidst the dryness.
I cannot imagine mine is a unique experience but I am grateful for it: I am grateful to have been brought back to the idea and I am grateful for whatever the genesis of the idea was. In some of those reflections I can see that the threads from which this idea derived were woven way, way back in my life history. In those moments, I can find myself marvelling at incidents that are best explained, in my view, as the astonishing work of the Holy Spirit, preparing, guiding, drawing events together and speaking into the retrospect of a half-formed idea. What grace!
Journalling will not work for everyone, and some will, I suspect, regard it as a very poor substitute for active listening. But for this activist, it is unquestionably a gift from God, and if just one person reads this and finds similar patterns in their prayer life, I will be glad.
I can relate to this post having eased myself back into writing through journalling. Then I started another journal in my quiet time. Now I only do the latter, but it isn't a proper prayer journal. I sometimes have to catch up a few days.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Trevor, I'm doing something of the kind. When you rediscover those inspired thoughts, do you sometimes wish for a channel for sharing them with a few trusted friends, who might even make a helpful comment or two? I do, but don't know where to find such people.
ReplyDeleteYou pretty much described my writing process there, Trevor :) I journal with God every day and have the book open during listening prayer, anything that I feel warrants further exploration (as you wisely say) I make sure I write down.
ReplyDeleteSo, you both use paper?
ReplyDeleteNotebooks!Preferably ones with verses of scripture on each page. Psalm 91 seems particularly popular.
DeleteI posted a reply to your comments, Viktor, Susan, Karen but it has vanished into the e-ether! After thanking you , I went on to say that I am definitely a notebook journaliser and that in addition to the practices mentioned, I also leave a couple of blank pages at the beginning of each notebook to record the dates of any major events so I can find them quickly if I want to draw theme out of them. Have only done that for a couple of years but they have proved very helpful. Trevor
ReplyDelete